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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

'Its all your fault and now you've ruined today'

24 replies

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket · 01/04/2013 19:30

Is what DH said to me earlier today. He is very moody and frequently gets in bad moods. We were out for the day Saturday and he suddenly got in one of these moods. I told him this morning to snap out of it and he went mad at me, shouting at me and saying that he might leave me and he wants nothing more to do with me, then said I've ruined today and everything is my fault. Then as per usual he comes out with all these things he apparently hates about me.

Today it's that I don't do enough housework. I do loads. We have 3 DCs. I haven't done much for two days though as we've had 2 days out. I did a massive spring clean last week. I do everything. Also my parents abused me as a child and he more or less said he can see why they did.

I've tried to talk today but he just reminds me that it's all my fault and I need to change. He's going to sulk for several days now. He also said I'm not to cry today as he will be very pissed off if I do, but of course I've spent all day crying on and off. He didn't comfort me. He never does.

OP posts:

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HeySoulSister · 01/04/2013 19:32

Each to their own but I couldn't live with someone like that

ScooseIsLooseOnTheLoopyJuice · 01/04/2013 19:32

Why are you with him?

HumphreyCobbler · 01/04/2013 19:32

Jesus wept, he sounds vile. How dare he say that about your parents. That is one of the most offensive things I have ever heard.

Is this man adding anything to your life? So sorry that you have had to put up with this.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/04/2013 19:32

Leave him, he's an abusive twat.

peeriebear · 01/04/2013 19:35

Fucking hell. He's a nasty abusive controlling bully. If you say "But he's a wonderful father" I might have to throw myself out of the window.

mowzer · 01/04/2013 19:35

LTB? By your tone, I'm guessing you know it's not ok. If he can be that horrible, how can you stay with him? Xx

OldBagWantsNewBag · 01/04/2013 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 01/04/2013 19:39

This is emotional abuse.

He is being particularly mean by saying what he said about your parents.

Neither that orthe way he treats you is your fault.

Can you minimise the time you send with him while you have a serious think about whether it might be better for you to be apart?

LynetteScavo · 01/04/2013 19:40

If he does leave you, I think you will be happier. Crying on and off all day is no way to live.

Fairylea · 01/04/2013 19:40

Leave.

Why are you excusing his behaviour by saying he's moody?

He's not moody. He's emotionally abusive.

pollypandemonium · 01/04/2013 19:41

Also my parents abused me as a child and he more or less said he can see why they did.

That's a shocking thing to say. I'm absolutely stunned by that.

catlady1 · 01/04/2013 19:41

Chuffing hell. Why are you with him? Really? Does he have any redeeming features? Although I can't think of anything that would even begin to make this sort of behaviour understandable.

Hissy · 01/04/2013 19:43

You are with an abuser. the sooner you work out what this means and what you can do about it (i.e nothing) and that it is ALL him choosing to to do this.. the better.

This will never get any better, it will only get worse.

You are not alone in this, there are many of us here that have been where you are and have come out the other side.

Not ONE of us regrets leaving dreadful men like yours. Not ONE.

Please pop by the Emotional Abuse thread and read some of the links at the top of the thread. If anything resonates, please pop back here or ask on the thread itself and someone will help you make sense of it all.

You didn't cause this and you can only change it by getting yourself and your DC out ASAP.

he wants to leave? call his bluff and insist upon it. It might seem scary, but no scarier than a lifetime of shit with him.

Lucyellensmum95 · 01/04/2013 19:44

He is no better than your parents really is he? This is history repeating itself - i really think you need to talk to someone because your self esteem must be at rock bottom. You deserve so much bettter

Longdistance · 01/04/2013 19:48

Pack his bags for him, and he can fuck off and sulk elsewhere!!!

harpsichordcarrier · 01/04/2013 19:50

Minieggs I am very sorry you are living in this environment. It is absolutely not what you deserve.
Get some help and support in RL, to be absolutely calm enough to say no, I do not want you treating me like this anymore.
And then see what you want to do. Give him chance to change?
Or ask him to leave?
It would be very helpful IMO to go and get some legal advice.

kinkyfuckery · 01/04/2013 19:58

Blimey.

Do you want out? We can help you make plans.

stubbornstains · 01/04/2013 19:59

I think talking to Womens' Aid would help you. (Just because he doesn't hit you doesn't mean he's not abusing you, and they would definitely take you seriously). They could hopefully offer you some counselling, and help you develop some kind of exit strategy.

Fairenuff · 01/04/2013 20:03

He is being abusive to you.

He will always be like this.

You cannot please him. Ever.

You should stop trying and leave this abusive relationship.

Mumofthreeteens · 01/04/2013 20:03

What a horrible excuse of a man. Minieggs quite often we are attracted to the familiar and you have sadly found yourself in another abusive relationship. No one should live in such a stressful situation and you owe it to your dc not to. Tell your h ( he doesn't deserve the d) to get out. Find out all you can from from citizen's advice etc and get rid of this abusive creature.

TisILeclerc · 01/04/2013 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LordLurkin · 01/04/2013 21:27

Bloody hell OP.

That aint love. Thats a controlling bully of serious magnitude. I hope you can take on board from this thread that he is abusing you.

You need to get out and end this asap.

I wish you all the love and support you need in this. Good luck and a rather unmumsnetty hug.

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thefirstmrsrochester · 01/04/2013 21:34

I'm so sorry life is like this for you minieggs
^^
I agree with everything said up thread.
You deserve much better. Love & strength to you x

cjel · 01/04/2013 22:46

This is so sad. Is he using the threat to leave you because you are unable to survive without him? if i were you I would be encouraging him to make himself happy, tell him its kind of him to worry about you like that but don't let you stop him he knows where the door is. Dry your tears and plan a new happy tear less life.xxx

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