Not your usual relationship problem

[TheOldBamboo]

I'm so unhappy. My mum died in 2002 in unexpected and tragic circumstances (I was 28)
She died 9 months after my husband left me for another woman, with my two daughters aged 1 and 4. It seemed to make sense for me to move in with my dad.

So we've lived together ever since. It's been generally ok but lately my dad has been drinking too much. Hang it all, to be honest we'd both been drinking too much - wine don't you know? It's so easy to be caught in its grip - for a long time but I stopped about a year ago and have watched poor dad fall further and further into its grip. He functions well, but becomes passive aggressive and snippy and he's starting to open the bottle earlier and earlier.

I can't broach the subject, and my DD1 who is now a teenager, rolls her eyes at my dad when he's drunk and to my shame I have found myself colluding with this eye rolling and have added much shrugging to the mix, especially as lately I seem to have become a victim of his anger - don't get me wrong he would never lay a hand on me, but it's very hard to cope with his slamming of doors and cupboards and his pinched face when he is cross with me.

I know about al-anon. I'm not ready for it. I'm just feeling so terribly sad. I feel that my life has come to a screeching halt and my dad is so unhappy too.

This reads like a shitty take a break story. I am not a troll. I know all about itchy vagines, ilks and day orphanages.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this. Only that I feel utterly miserable tonight.

[Mumsyblouse]

It is very hard to watch someone else drinking to excess, it's great that you have cut down yourself though. Don't be too hard on yourself with the eye rolling, its your way of coping together with a difficult situation. I don't have an answer, I have had the same happen to my dad although he did stop drinking a few years later of his own accord, so hopefully this will be a dip and your dad might pull away from full on alcoholism. I think getting support/therapy might be a good idea for you though as you sound stuck in more way than one. By the way, your story sounds completely authentic- why do you think no-one would believe you? have you any real-life friends who might listen?

[TheOldBamboo]

Thank you so much for responding. I know I need some therapy, I'm just so frozen.

I need to confront dad with it all. We're sniping and bickering so much lately and it feels so miserable. I need to be brave.

As to the justification for not being a troll? It used to be de rigueur back when I was a regular! I'm glad that this is no longer the case

[SucksToBeMe]

My uncle is a counsellor for AA, he says its always harder to deal with immediate family. It's good to get advice beforehand.

My father was an alcoholic, he's since stopped and is a born again Christian. To this day he STILL denies he even drank,and insists it was all in 'our imagination'
Wishing you lots of luck

[TheOldBamboo]

I've decided that I'm going to confront it after Easter - I can't go on this way and writing it down has really cleared my fuzzy head.

I'm so sorry sucks that your father s unable to acknowledge his drinking, that must be so shit for you.

[SucksToBeMe]

Thanks Bamboo. Luckily we have mumsnet where we can have a good moan.
(Incidentally,my uncle isn't counseling at the moment as he has fallen off the wagon and is using heroine and prostitutes!)
Wish you all the best. X

[Springdiva]

I wouldn't have thought you could stop someone doing something they want to do, so am not sure that plucking up courage to 'confront' him will do anything.

Just look after yourself. Try to find something to do in the evening which is a discouragement to drink, either go out or knit or anything you enjoy. Or it's too easy just to have a wine or two and slump in front of the tv at least that's what I do