I really need to bite the bullet and end my marriage - where do you start ?

[PMMummy]

Ok so after being together 17 years, married for 4, 2 DDs age 4 and 2, this has run it's course. I need to get out.

Without drip feeding H has a history of contact websites, overuse on phone (it's locked and always with him), likes his boys nights out but is always the last man standing - a general prick to be honest. And now age 36 I've woken up, don't ask me what has changed over the past 6 months but I seem to have changed, grown a pair, whatever you want to call it. I realise I've got myself into a ridiculously dependant situation (work 20 hours, pay large bills, no cash of my own but have access to joint acc), childcare drops, pick ups etc etc and I'm drowning, my life feels to have disappeared. I cook, clean, iron, wash, work, parent - he does diddly squat. So I'm clawing it back, and the main part of this is H has to be out of my life (granted still in the DDs). He would continue to walk over me forever if I stayed with him, as there is no changing him. I've tried and I now give up.

So if you've got this far, my question is, what do I do now? There is no question of me and DDs moving, there is probably little equity in the house to finance two homes so the house would remain in joint names for the time being. But he is, as described, a general pain in the arse and I cannot see how he will agree to move

Any advice gratefully received.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I think, in this situation you need support from several angles. Very important to share your feelings and intentions with someone you trust... family or friends... and who can offer you practical help and emotional back-up. The other angle is the legal/administrative one i.e. find a solicitor, see CAB, check out if there's any financial help available, work out how much child support you'll need, think about accommodation arrangements etc. Before announcing it's over and making the split, have as good a plan as possible and as much background information as possible to hand. Anticipate a few 'what if' scenarios... play them through and know what your course of action is in each case.

Taking control of your own life is the beginning of the beginning. Very best of luck

[SorryMyLollipop]

My STBXH was similar, I didn't know where to start so suggested we went to relate. In the sessions I made it very clear how unhappy I was and that it was over for me and he needed to move out. He didn't want to hear it but the Relate counsellor helped him accept that he needed to move out.

Good luck

[PMMummy]

Thank you for your replies, sorry for my delay. I definitely agree I need to get all the facts and info and be armed as he isn't going to assist in that way. I didn't realise Relate could help really, I thought it was more for 'sorting things out' - worth a thought but I doubt he would attend.

Lots to think about I think.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Sending a hug. Am in a very similar situation. I'm at the beginning too. Wishing you luck xx

[PMMummy]

mamma, thank you. Here's to getting on track eh x