Don't Know How To Handle Parents

[ParentProblems]

I'm noticing more and more how difficult my parents are and I'm struggling to know the best way of dealing with it.

My mum seems to see lots of things in a negative way and need reassurance from me but if the situation was reversed she'd tell me not to be ridiculous e.g. When I eventually told them I had pnd, her response was that I should have told them sooner and they'd have helped me. A week later she asked me "What on earth do you have to be depressed about? You have an easy baby." .

An example of it is when she picked DC up from school one day and she decided my friend didn't like her because "she didn't say much to me". I told her that maybe she was just busy with her children. The next time she collected DC from school she asked me if I'd said something to my friend because "She was chatty today". I hadn't said anything. She seems to take everything personally and has these odd expectations of how people should behave towards her. I think I've realised this is partly why I struggle socially and now that I see that, it's not as hard for me as it used to be but I now find it really irritating when my mum is like this. I wouldn't say it but I get very tempted to reply with things like "Well, maybe she doesn't like you.".

The latest thing seems to be money. I know they don't have a lot of money (and they've lost part of their income recently) but they're picking at everything we do that involves money. I try not to mention most stuff but some of it is unavoidable (e.g. kids telling them they went to X place or started class Y). Things like swimming lessons have been met with "I don't see why you can't just teach them yourself instead of paying". School trips (again, always mentioned to them by the kids) "How much is it? You know they can't make you pay it. Just tell them you can't afford it." FFS it's maybe £6, which we can afford and if everyone took that attitude there wouldn't be any trips. It's not like we ask them for money or anything.

[Kikithecat]

Just wanted to sympathise as I find my DM also very negative about a lot of things and paranoid about other people's behaviour towards her. It has got worse as she's got older (nearly 80 now). E.g. 'the neighbours are a funny couple. They've never asked me in for a cuppa in all these years.' No, and you've never asked them either! I also avoid certain subjects because I know she'll get on her high horse on my behalf (when I'm not that bothered by whatever it is.) So yeah... I'm no help but I know where you're coming from.

[HelgatheHairy]

My DHs nickname for my mother is "doom & gloom" which even her sister agrees is perfect for her. I don't tell my mother much (due to her demanding to know every tiny detail of my life when I was younger) but its still hard to deal with.