I hope you wise ladies can help me as I feel like I am walking a tightrope with my closest friend... This will be long, sorry!
Late last year, she discovered unprecedented infidelity, lying and manipulation from her DP. He entire relationship had been a lie, and subsequently it came out that it's not the first time he's done this, and he's left a trail of broken women going back a decade.
I don't want to go into too much detail as I want to respect her privacy, and I'm quite recognisable in RL from my post here.
She has naturally felt like her entire foundation of everything she thought was true in her life is gone. DH and I have supported her over this last three months as she's gone through this turmoil. Her ex is now local after having been studying elsewhere for a year (hence why it was so easy for him to cheat) and as expected, he is ramping up his efforts to win her back, despite NEVER having taken responsibility for his actions (it all "just happened", he didn't want it to, he was the victim, etc, etc). His previous behaviour with other women, and his initial reaction to discovery, has left me in no doubt that he has some seriously sociopathic/narcissistic tendencies.
The problem is that friend is getting sucked in again. She's seeing him for coffees, he's spinning all his bullshit, and she seems to be either forgetting what utter hell he has put her through, or hasn't forgotten but is willing to literally go into therapy (with AND without him, which worries me even more) for the rest of her life just because she says she was happy with him.
I have been there from the start, looking out for her, but ashamedly, I lost it a little bit yesterday (not with her, mind you, but with how he seems to be winning, for want of a better word). I told here that she was only happy when she was with him because she was unaware of about 70% of his life when he was fucking around on her.
I could tell she was angry with me (probably because she knew i was right) but also ashamed at the same time because I think she knows the truth but would rather be with him in the hope that he'll miraculously change than try to get over him which will be very hard.
I think I might have pushed her away, and I suspect that she will stop telling me stuff now, which plays beautifully into his hands as she has told everyone about him, so if she goes back she will be so embarrassed she will effectively isolate herself and it will be him and her against the world that doesn't understand them, if that makes sense.
What should I do now? I don't want to bring it up again if it's going to cause more problems, but I can't bear watching her walk into this mistake as I love her and want her to be happy.
Please help!!
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Please help me help her!
10 replies
NoWayNoHow · 20/01/2013 13:04
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