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is it wierd that Dh andI don't socialise as a couple or have couple friends?

(18 Posts)
bigmouthstrikesagain Thu 17-Jan-13 20:26:46

As I am getting older and my children are at school and pre-school, my social life has improved. I go out a couple of times a month sometimes more. Have kept in touch with some old friends in the big smoke, go to the odd gig and have a few good mum friends locally.

However i always socialise 'alone' and mostly prefer it that way, though i occasionally wonder what it would be like to have 'couple' friends. I do wonder if i am considered a bit strange or pitiable though, it never occurs to me to make social arrangements as a couple, dh is not interested, is happy looking after the kids. Any invite that is extended to dh I rarely bother passing on as I know he won't want to go. I have felt weird at a couple of parties where i have been surrounded by couples, but that is partly to do with not knowing enough people well so mingling is awkward.

I went to the school xmas ball stag, which was great as most of my friends partners got rat-arsed and made dicks of themselvesgrin

Anyway should I be strong arming my grumpy dh into socialising once a year so i can feel 'normal' or is it only a problem if it is a problem Iyswimconfused I would like to go out with dh only, more as we currently average twice a year which is not enough imo.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 17-Jan-13 20:38:15

I think it's a bit weird and he sounds rather anti-social. Great to be able to socialise separately but you should also be able to go out and have fun as a couple. Share the experience, share the memories and have something to talk about?

Mynewmoniker Thu 17-Jan-13 20:39:20

If my DH comes along to something he doesn't like he keeps quiet and alone all night. He doesn't make much of an effort. It's such a pain to keep checking if he's OK that I've decided not to expect him there. I enjoy myself better without him and friends include me.

Mynewmoniker Thu 17-Jan-13 20:40:23

I must add we do spend lots of social time just us together too!

OwlCatMouse Thu 17-Jan-13 20:43:20

I don't think it's weird at all. DP doesn't like going out with lots of people, and if he does go out he'll meet a friend. I do the same - often go out with friends, but minus DP. Nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing weird about it. It's what works for us.

I think not going out enough when it's just the two of you is more of a problem - me and DP are the same and never seem to get around to organising anything. We do go to gigs and things sometimes though.

Numberlock Thu 17-Jan-13 20:45:53

I think you have to be careful you don't grow apart if you never go out as a couple.

What do you do in your social time together?

Zappo Thu 17-Jan-13 20:50:10

I'm an introvert and DP is an extrovert. He likes to go out once a week, I'm happy to stay in and look after the DCs. If I want to go out to watch a film, go to the gym, he will stay in. From time to time we get a babysitter and go out together but I'm so tired (with getting up with young DC) that I'm not really up for socialising with his friends at the mo and I don't have many of my own.

We have no couple friends inb common though he has a mixture of single and married friends.

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 20:52:01

To me that's normal, that's how my marriage is. It's the same both ways though, I have my friends, he has his friends and neither of us like socialising with each others friends!

We both have friends round the house, where we'll both sit and talk, but going out with other couples just doesn't happen. It works for us though.

The only time we do make an effort is for weddings, big birthdays that kind of thing.

Many will say that's not normal, including all my friends who I only ever see as couples and appear to be surgically attached to their husbands!!

MoodyDidIt Thu 17-Jan-13 20:56:21

me and DH don't have "couple friends" ...i wish we did tbh but he is an unsociable fucker... grin

we go out together and have a brilliant time just the 2 of us, but i do wish we had other couples to do things with sometimes

bigmouthstrikesagain Thu 17-Jan-13 20:56:39

I think like mynewmoniker I find it tiresome wondering if dh will enjoy himself and worring he won't so going without him is mostly less stressful. I do not want to be known as the poor cow with the miserable dh that she insists on dragging around with her!

I think it probably has more to do with my own awkwardness with explaining why I am not inviting/ including/ considering dh in any social engagements - it makes me wish he had some convenient condition that requires him never to go out with my friends otherwise he will get a hideous allergic reaction - maybe I can invent one! My old friends know dh well enough (we did go out together with them when we were young and childfree in London!) not to even question it, but newer friends haven't had that opportunity. Even back in the day we had separate friends - my friends and his 3 friends, which seemed to work ok.

Oh I don't know we are set in our ways and I like the fact I have reliable childcare grin but dh can be absolutely charming when he wants to be so I would like him to go out with me to the odd pub quiz or whatever to show him off - maybe he doesn't feel like it but maybe he could fake it once in a while?

We are going to a gig soon which I am looking forward too. A dirty weekend would be nice as well!

Viviennemary Thu 17-Jan-13 20:57:41

I prefer to socialise with other people without DH mostly. I hate foursomes or several couples going out. I'd prefer to go out with my female friends or go out with just DH.

ceebeegeebies Thu 17-Jan-13 21:02:03

Perfectly normal if you ask me grin

Me and DH rarely go out together - no babysitters so not much options. It sounds really pathetic but I can count on one hand the number of nights out we have had together since DS1 was born in 2006 blush However, we are perfectly happy with the situation - we are both homebodies and like staying in! We tend to take days off when the DC are in childcare/school and go out for the day shopping/lunch etc to have our 'couple' time.

We don't have any couple friends, I go out occasionally with my friends, DH doesn't have any friends but does go away with work so spends evenings getting pissed with his colleagues.

We have been married for over 15 years now - it works for us grin

mathsconundrum Thu 17-Jan-13 21:05:10

We don't do any couples socialising what so ever. DP has no interest in people although he's personable enough at work. In the 12 years we've lived here he's not been out with our had a friend here. I chose him so must live with it but I'm sad we have such a limited social life'sad for me and also for dd because I'd like to be able to encourage her sociability by our example.

OrangeLily Thu 17-Jan-13 21:07:58

We have both, I'm a bit more of an extrovert so will have more days out with pals, etc. DH doesn't like planning things like that. He does go out with work sometimes though and has a great time.

We do socialise a lot as a couple though and get invited to lots of things as a couple. We don't sit together or anything though unless we barely know anyone.

We are one of those couples that love other people so invite people round a lot, and know about 2 other couples like that. Some couples are cousins of a similar age and their partners, some are work, some are ex-work and some are hobby. We also have a few single friends who also are regular visitors and another friend who doesn't socialise with her partner.

Are you happy?
Is he happy?
Do you make each other happy?

If yes to all of the above there is no issue!!

catladycourtney1 Thu 17-Jan-13 21:12:26

I don't think so, my partner and I don't really socialise as a couple or with other couples. I mean, we (very) occasionally will go out together for a meal or a film or something, but we never go out to town or anything together and we don't have any friends as a couple. He used to go out with his friends and I with mine, but since he's changed jobs and I've been pregnant we don't even do that anymore. I'm pretty antisocial anyway but I don't see a problem with it as long as it's not causing problems between you.

Mynewmoniker Thu 17-Jan-13 21:17:10

Lost... made a good point re being not surgically attached.

An nosy elderly neighbour questionned my friend how is it that she and I went shopping together a lot ending it with "What about her husband?"

I said "Next time tell her...we got married not f'ing glued together!" grin

nellyjelly Thu 17-Jan-13 21:17:33

No we don't do the whole couples socialisng thing. He is a bit of a loner and tends to have 2 or 3 close friends who he goes for a drink with. I don't have best friends, but have wider group of friends I see regularly. Friends from work, from mums groups, school etc.

I like things the way they are tbh.

bigmouthstrikesagain Thu 17-Jan-13 21:17:37

maths - I am sorry you are sad about your situation - but don't worry on your dd's behalf - we had a very unsociable upbringing in many ways as Mum had few friends, never went out in the evening and rarely had anyone visit that we weren't related to in some way. Dad was much more sociable but gave up bringing anyone back to the house as Mum stressed so much about it - so we didn't learn a great deal about socialising by parental example. However me and my siblings are all pretty gregarious and happy to go out, fairly confident individuals with healthy social lives a good range of friends. Your dd will socialise at school and manage her friendships herself naturally, you just need to give her a secure and loving upbringing.

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