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am i oversensitive?

(21 Posts)
familyfun Thu 17-Jan-13 14:23:29

my family often hurt my feelings but maybe im oversensitive? would this bother you?
1. i mentioned we get basic tax credits. "oh, we never got anything like benefits because i was always in senior management".
2. "i get more money from my pension than most people earn at work"
3. "i earn x amount an hour but i have got a degree"
4. "i only want to associate with mathematicians as i cant be bothered with thick people" (i am not degree educated)
5. "have you put on much weight since xmas? has dp?"

AlphaBeta2012 Thu 17-Jan-13 14:26:02

I can understand why it bothers you, and I often gets similar comments from my family - so empathise! I put it down of family/ sibling competitiveness and shrug it off as I am happy with who I am and how I live.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 17-Jan-13 14:28:36

Whoever it is sounds pretty crass and an utter snob into the bargain. What do you say in response?

familyfun Thu 17-Jan-13 14:31:39

i dont know what to say in response, im often on the verge of tears and dont always look forward to the visits but want the relationship so much.

familyfun Thu 17-Jan-13 14:33:31

"you do realise dd2 will probably be thick compared to dd1 as 2nd children always are"
generally putting down all members of family, whether dead or alive.

meditrina Thu 17-Jan-13 14:36:21

Yes, it's vulgar to bang on about money all the time. It may have enabled them to buy many things, but tact and interpersonal skills seen not to be among the. They appear to see things only in monetary terms - price not value.

There isn't really a remedy I'm afraid: the best you can do is appear really, really bored if such comments happen again. I wouldn't recommend trying to argue with them, nor expounding a different world picture - more something along the lines of "yes, you've said that hundreds of times" then change the subject.

(Try to think of it as a twitch to shake water off a duck's back. The nature of the river is watery, but you don't have to let the wetness through).

Anniegetyourgun Thu 17-Jan-13 14:39:18

When they say how much more than you they earn/better education they have you say "that's nice for you", vaguely, with a smile.

When they say your child will be thick, say "that's an interesting point of view".

When they say they only associate with (types of people which don't include you), say warmly "Oh GOOD".

It will drive them crazy.

izzyizin Thu 17-Jan-13 14:39:26

The queston has to be why you 'want the relationship so much'?

It may help others give considered opinions if you state what relation this insensitive person is to you.

familyfun Thu 17-Jan-13 14:41:31

i try to ignore and busy myself with dds but its hard.
i always feel thick and poor after wheras i am happy with my life normally.

i am always asked personal questions about us and others but i know its not out of concern, more hoping for bad news.
like "hows so and so health now, theyve always been overweight"
"has x put on much weight"
"whats x new partner like, are they fat, are they well spoken"
"what car has x got now"
they dont know these people anymore so have no need to enquire about them and i try and answer i dont know or i dont notice peoples looks but they ask all the same

susanann Thu 17-Jan-13 14:43:40

they sound truly awful! Just be glad youre not like that. Youre worth 10 of them.

familyfun Thu 17-Jan-13 14:44:56

its my dad blush
i only see him one hour a week. i shut him down if he is rascist/sexist as i wont let dds hear that.
im the only family he has that he talks to. he loves me and if ever i tell him im hurt he apologises profusely. i love him.

familyfun Thu 17-Jan-13 14:48:21

im a sahm, which he always says is the best for children, but also says.
"when dd2 is at school maybe you can do something useful with your life"
"i couldnt be around small children all day as i need cerebral stimulation"
"it must be boring singing nursery rhymes all day, i love using my brain"

i have told him im a sahm by choice and love it and consider it the most useful thing i will ever do with my life, same as my mom did for me, but he then points out mom has no pension, not the lifestyle he has etc.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 17-Jan-13 14:49:28

I'm not surprised you're the only family he has left. 'Love' doesn't mean hurling insults at someone any more than it means sitting there meekly taking insults on the chin. Sometimes 'love' means demanding respect and picking a person up when they are being downright offensive. Apologies are a bit thin....

susanann Thu 17-Jan-13 14:51:42

its a shame he cant appreciate that youre doing a great job with your dcs. Obviously hes very money orientated. I think i would be tempted to tell him that he may have the lifestyle but no manners or sensitivity!

familyfun Thu 17-Jan-13 14:55:57

in general im not meek, im a strong character and dont take crap off people, but i put up with it i suppose as hes always been the same.

susanann Thu 17-Jan-13 18:13:22

well maybe its time he changed.........How about giving him a dose of his own medecine?

betterthanever Thu 17-Jan-13 18:25:02

I think they sound very rude. Someone one gave me a line on here to say in response to things like that - `did you mean that to sound so rude' - I have enjoyed the reaction I get to that response.

familyfun Fri 18-Jan-13 09:27:24

was lying in bed thinking about it last night, it really gets to me.
i feel like he comes here, talks about how great he is and how rich and clever, says he misses dds but doesnt particularly interact with them, if they interrupt when he is talking he stops and waits for them to finish then carries on talking but they just want some attention, dd2 is only just 2 so doesnt want to be quiet and listen to someone talking.
he asks me a question and as soon as i have said a short answer he talks about himself again.
me and dp are going through a hard time at the moment and i havent got the strength to be brought down and made more miserable.
friends are letting me down, dad is bringing me down, im trying to support dp and mom has made me feel snubbed all in a week and i feel like hybernating from them all with my own little family.

Adversecamber Fri 18-Jan-13 09:30:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

familyfun Fri 18-Jan-13 09:33:15

no siblings.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 18-Jan-13 12:31:15

My smart-mouthed friend would say this in response. Voice dripping with sarcasm....

"I was going to tell you about my life but hey! let's talk about you some more!!!!....." <eye-roll for good measure>

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