Several years ago I was happy, sorted and very independent. Met a man who outwardly was quite different to me but who I felt a real connection to and there was great chemistry. We lived some distance apart but he got a new job and moved in with me.
I felt that things were just getting better and better between us and he started talking about getting married. Unexpectedly I fell pregnant and we married 18 mths later.
Fast forward a couple of years and he tells me that he loves me but isn't in love with me. Denies there is OW but eventually admits it. We agree to try and make it work but he finds a new job several hours away and initially promises that it will make everything better as there will be more money coming in. I go to visit him for our anniversary a few months later only to be dumped when I get there.
Throughout all this I supported us both financially (he was theoretically paying debts off and was always lurching from one financial problem to another). I believed that he loved me and that we wanted the same things. When we finally split he told me that he had never wanted marriage but had felt steamrollered into it. This despite him being the one to suggest it and insist on it when I got pregnant - I had been adamant that I didn't want to get married just because of the baby.
Having been told that he never wanted to be committed to me I naturally kept going over events and realised how many things I had misinterpreted because I thought he loved me. I can't believe how stupid I was not to have realised myself what the situation was. The whole relationship was a mirage and my previously happy memories have been destroyed.
He says he loves me like a sister which I find insulting and patronising. He is upset that I regard the relationship as having wasted several years of my life. The one good thing to have come out of it is DD but she also means that I will never be entirely free of him. At least it serves as a reminder not to trust my judgment
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Why did I fall for a cocklodger?
duffybeatmetoit · 02/01/2013 00:34
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