I can't actually believe that I am writing this, but I feel alone and so sad. I would be very grateful for any words of wisdom to help me get a grip of myself.
My H left me and our three DCs in April, after making numerous accusations (totally unfounded) that I had deceived him into having a third child and that I had had an affair with our neighbour - both utter rubbish. He had been unloving and unsupportive for months beforehand, and was more absent than ever before. When I asked him, he told me that he did not know if he loved me anymore, and so he finally left, returning at weekends to see the kids. He refused counselling and was clearly very unhappy.
It was hard, but I was moving on and we had managed to agree financial arrangements. I was in the process of remortgaging and transferring the house into my name and I took the DCs away by myself for a fab summer holiday. Then in October he called out of the blue and told me that he wanted to try and make things work, and he wanted to try counselling. We met, and stupidly I agreed. But the reality has been horrendous. He does not want to make things work. He clearly does not love me anymore. He had no intention of making anything up with my family, despite my making it clear that that was an essential first step if we were going to work. We went to counselling, but after the third session he got so angry that he refused to speak to me for a fortnight. I am just so glad that I did not let him move back home at any point.
I have since discovered that he has an Adultwork account and when I asked him about it he lied to me, telling me that it was before we even met - I checked, and the site was not even created until we had been together for several years. I confronted him again, and he has become very angry and refused to discuss it. I have no idea what he has been up to, or even if it is ok that I feel utterly betrayed as I am so confused by it all.
So now I am totally alone again, ten steps behind where I was a few months ago, thinking that I don't think I can do all of this again, get the kids through it again, and terrified that I now need to go for STi checking, and the thought of making it through this Christmas seems totally impossible.
Sorry for garbled post. My head is all over the place and I need to get a grip, can't believe how stupid I have been but need to hold it together for the children.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
It just keeps getting worse . . .
diamondsnotforever · 11/12/2012 22:33
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