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He doesn't seem willing to progress things - yet talks about doing so all the time!

(7 Posts)
BiByePolar Fri 16-Nov-12 10:45:43

Been together almost a year. For months he's been saying about me meeting his parents - it's still to happen.

I'm still to meet his teenage kids. Yet again, it's something he's "talked about" for quite a while now.

He's always going on about us moving in together yet has done nothing to progress that to more than talk.

Last weekend the subject of marriage came up and he asked me if I would and suggested a proposal might be in the wings - I got all excited and then thought to myself "hang on, I havn't even met his kids yet!! how the hell is that going to work?" imagine access weekends with kids I barely know?

Is he just messing me about or what??

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 16-Nov-12 10:48:31

He is messing you about. Dangling carrots to keep you interested but never delivering said carrot... Tell him today you'd like to meet his kids but put an actual date in the diary, confirm with a phone-call, make it happen and make it clear that, if it doesn't happen, you'll be questioning whether there's a future for you. If he manages to find a way to wriggle out of it that would be the end ....

BiByePolar Fri 16-Nov-12 10:51:59

That's what I was thinking. I mean, I've been supportive and understanding - he wanted to take it slow with the kids as he was scared of upsetting them but christ, it's been almost a year and his youngest is 16! It's not as if they're 5 year olds. They have apparently known about me for over 7 months anyway!

I didn't want to pressure him but I don't want to keep wasting my time if this is going nowhere. I'm seeing him tonight, I'm just going to tell him that I think it's time I met his kids if we're ever going to progress. If not, maybe we should call it off before we waste anymore of each other's time. See how he reacts.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 16-Nov-12 10:53:21

I would. The 'not upsetting the kids' thing wears a bit thin when they're teenagers, probably with girlfriends/boyfriends of their own. What have you got to lose?

janelikesjam Fri 16-Nov-12 12:44:22

Exciting things - holidays, meet-ups, dates, marriage proposals - being hinted at but not delivered are one of my pet hates. I actually think its a (mild?) form of manipulation even if the person is not aware of it or doesn't mean it maleovently, it can create serious misunderstandings and confusion. But OP sounds like you can handle this, so am sure you can!

Snazzyfeelingfestive Fri 16-Nov-12 12:50:05

If he mentions marriage again, I don't think it's unreasonable to point out that meeting his parents and his kids would be desirable before you made that kind of decision! It sounds like it is time to mention some of this.

I would take Cogito's suggested approach and present him with a prospective date on which you could meet his kids. Maybe there is some Christmas thing on near you that teenagers might like? (special shopping day, ice rink or whatever) Tell him you will need to confirm pretty quickly, so even if he can't tell you right then (itself not unreasonable, teenagers may have their own plans etc) he should be able to confirm within a week. If not or he fudges the issues then it's a red flag. I would raise it this way to see how he reacts, rather than saying 'If we're ever going to progress...' - you're quite within your rights to say this but it may well put him on the defensive. See how he reacts when presented with a 'neutral' but perfectly reasonable proposition about moving things forward.

theoriginalandbestrookie Fri 16-Nov-12 13:01:01

I do like snazzy & cognitos suggestions. He could just be utterly hopeless at arranging things unless goaded so giving him an opportunity to arrange it may bring a positive result.
Lots of low key ways you can meet up at this time of year as well - christmas markets, a bite to eat before shopping etc etc

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