This is long sorry, I don't normally post this much personal info on here, but would like some opinions? Very unhappy in my marriage. These are some of the things that are bothering me..
Regularly tells me to shut up - often just because i am trying to talk about something he doesn't want to talk about. Even if I want someone to shut up I don't actually say "shut up"... this bothers me a lot, but if I try and talk about it I am "going on".
Makes it vey uncomfortable having visitors in the house - generally grumpy and short with them and me. The sort of non-specific behaviour that would make me uncomfortable in someone elses house, but also makes it very hard for me to say to him "you said xyz to abc and that is rude". I am not sure if he is non-specific on purpose because it is then hard for me to say specifically what has upset me or others). He has upset various members of my family although they are also easygoing so put up with him. If we go and stay with family or they stay here (we live a long way away) then everyone knows to just ignore H unless he chooses to become part of the conversation, activity.
A bit Jekyll and Hyde, mood swings, cheerful one day and bear with a sore head the next. Unfortunately he is also like this with DS, who I can see is starting to push boundaries with him and wind him up when he is in a bad mood. I will challenge him about unfair telling off of DS, in front of DS, which is know is possibly not the best way but I can't let DS feel like my mother made me feel :-(
Some days he is the indulgent loving father, same days DS can do nothing right. DS makes it quite clear that he would rather be with me. H knows this. If Ds has friends in the house H is snappy wth them so I do it when he is not around and have told him so. Although he feels I am making a fuss.
If we are in any sort of social situation he brings up things I have done wrong. Particulalry if it is with people he works with. I can see it makes people uncomfortable, he obviously can't. Aside from the fact it is just unkind and why would you do that to someone you love?
Plus points - good with money, we have everything we need and although I am part time and earn only a fraction of what he does, all money goes into one pot and is v equally shared. Doesn't restrict me in anything I want to do, socially or otherwise. Athough I do have to do whatever it is on my own or with DS as H won't come if it is not something that specifically interests him.
No gambling or other women., rarely drinks. Although this brings me to "no friends" either. There are a couple of people he talks to a bit who he goes fishing with. He never goes anywhere socially except for the odd work do organised by people who work for him. Unfortunately it also brings me to another new development which is that if he does have a drink then he gets verbally aggressive and has pushed me on 2 occaisions, because apparently I am "going on" i.e. saying something he doesn't want to hear.
Really if we behave like two people sharing a house but no emotions then we get on. I have to be completely self-sufficient in terms of anything I may need from the human race except for money. I am not a wildly social person and like my own company, I have some nice friends I see but am not wanting to be out on the rqzz every saturday ;-) I have hobbies that take up my time as well as work etc. I am not what you would call high-maintenance emotionally or materially. Neither of us are big senders, we are both naturally quite frugal so there is no tension about money. He would like sex far more than I do, but completely fails to understand that I don't want to have sex with someone who told me to shut up and stop boring on earlier on the same day.
I read what some people put up with and think well really he's not that bad. but I am just sad most of the time, there is no affection or companionship. We can't socialise with other people. My friends constantly tell me I have the patience of a saint. I'm not being unreasonable by wanting to leave him am !?
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Following on from my thread about regretting divorce
laptopcomputer · 15/11/2012 12:15
no, I couldnt live like that. And nor should you or your child. 
Yes, did you divorce this nasty, nasty man and then get back with him?
Things are going to escalate as your son gets older - and you know who's 'fault' that's going to be don't you
All the positive points are not nice things he does, but worse things he doesn't do. If you want a few more reasons for not leaving him, I'm guessing he doesn't drown kittens or kick over old ladies in the street either. Hooray for him 
If he did do any of those things you would be clearer in your mind. Instead you are staying because it's not quite bad enough, and undergoing the death of a thousand small cuts. Not exactly an amazing atmosphere for your DS, either, nor yet a good male role model for his own future relationships.
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