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I can't make a decision to save my live (very very long) interested in your opinions ..

(23 Posts)
KirstyWirsty Fri 02-Nov-12 11:14:01

A bit of background … I split from my ‘D’H in December as he’d had an affair. I have found Mr Cheeky from work attractive for years. We had a bit of an email flirtation at the beginning of the summer and I thought we’d hook up at a work night out but it didn’t happen

Ended up crossing each other’s paths again mid September..Went out on first date … had alarm bells ringing as lots of talk of ‘thinking on my feet’ and telling tall stories … I just got rid of one liar! There was also lots of pressure to sleep with him.. Found out that he separated from his wife 4 years ago (due to having an affair with someone at work) and that he lives with a pal.. he doesn’t seem to have moved on at all from his marriage .. still lets himself in the house – not got any finances sorted etc .. His house has been on the market for 2.5 years so in general he is a bit of a disaster zone ..

Told him it was too much pressure for sex (when it was really the lying that put me off) and I didn’t think it was a goer but then said it was a shame and that I really liked him and ended up being back in touch and going on a second date .. This is all down to the fact that I did fancy him like mad!!

The second date he was very well behaved took on board my comments about the lies and the pushiness and then we kept up the emailing and texting and messaging .. we got to the point where I had a free weekend unexpectedly and we talked about going away for an overnighter .. as not only is he living with a pal I am living with my mum while my separation agreement is being finalised .. but a few days before we were due to go he cancelled saying that he thought I was too vulnerable that I might fall for him (!!)and it wasn’t really good timing for either of us … I assured him that I didn’t want a relationship but that was it as far as I was concerned. The next day he then started texting me etc again and was a bit off when I didn’t reply …anyway I suggested on the Thursday morning we meet up for coffee and a chat on the Friday(the evening we were supposed to be going away) rather than texting back and forward instead and he told me he wasn’t feeling well and that he wouldn’t be surfacing til the Monday .. My spidey senses started tingling.. and I got that horrible sinking feeling that I used to get with my lying STBXH - surely if he was ill then he would be hoping to be better .. not just completely unavailable!!! I asked if there was something that I should know about and he called me ‘uptight’ and I ended up telling him to delete my number

However I have to deal with him at work so when he came back (he did take time off sick) I sent him a ‘no hard feelings’ message and left it at that .. but he started emailing and texting me again … which I do enjoy – all good fun as he is witty and can spell!

I had gone for counselling earlier this year and the counsellor suggested that I didn’t find sex that exciting because I’d never really fancied anyone that I’d slept with .. and I really fancied him although I definitely would not want to be in a relationship with him so we had agreed to go on a date on Halloween and I decided to change it to an overnight instead.

He had promised big things but unfortunately he didn’t really deliver .. and instead I blew his mind and he didn’t blow mine! It was nice kind of but he didn’t have a nice body (he hides the middle aged spread well with his clothes) and some of the things he did made me cringe … He gave me a real confidence boost though as my STBXH used to criticise my performance and I obviously did all the right things smile

I am not sure why I am posting this .. I do like his funny banter and all the texting etc is good fun but I don’t want to go out with him but there is no one else I fancy and instead of shagging him scratching an itch I am now itchier than ever hmm.. reading back this I should just go back to enjoying my single life until someone better comes along though I think!

madonnawhore Fri 02-Nov-12 11:19:41

So he's still hung up on his ex, he's blown hot and cold on you, he's lied to you and after all the he turned out to be a crap shag?

The only good thing you can say about him is that he can spell!

I'd ditch and move on tbh.

SummerRain Fri 02-Nov-12 11:22:29

Tbh, by the sound of it you don't even really fancy him anymore so he's not going to fulfill that need for 'good sex with someone you fancy' anyway.

Id drop him and look elsewhere... Lying, cheating, bad sex, crappy personality, middle age spread. Not much of a catch is he? wink

dequoisagitil Fri 02-Nov-12 11:23:30

You're wasting your time on him. Get out and about, try internet dating and find someone you fancy who isn't a tit.

BethFairbright Fri 02-Nov-12 11:37:53

Truthfully, the only reason this bloke's had any appeal at all was that he was the only remotely fanciable bloke on your radar and you saw him every day. Plus of course he fancied you at a time when you needed a boost.

But he's a non-starter and you know it. He thinks far too much of himself and likes the chase and not the journey. End it firmly but be kind about it and don't get sucked in when he starts chasing again.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Fri 02-Nov-12 12:16:45

It was a bit of fun and got you over your last crap relationship, but don't waste any more time on this one. He's simply not what you want or need.

nkf Fri 02-Nov-12 12:19:02

It sounds to me as if you are just passing/wasting time thinking about him. Time to do something else I'd say.

KirstyWirsty Fri 02-Nov-12 12:50:11

He texted me an hour ago to say that it's all gone a bit quiet is that it ..? So I've told him its not him it's me hmm he said he's happy that I've had a bit of a confidence boost and seems to have accepted it

Beth you have totally hit the nail on the head

I am quite keen to sign up for online dating now but as I'm staying at mum's for the time being I think it is best to wait until I have my own place

KirstyWirsty Fri 02-Nov-12 12:53:03

He's now texted me to say that he's out on the pull tonight hahaha .. I imagine I've not heard the last from him now ... deary me!

angelpinkcar Fri 02-Nov-12 12:59:49

No KirstyWirsty, you don't need or want crap sex, its got to be mindblowingly passion on a stick. Where you feel all wobbly the next day. Haven't had that for years. Keep him stringing along for a bit of banter when you are a bit bored but keep your options open, do the online dating, go out with friends, the old saying business and pleasure don't mix, so be cool and don't shag him again especially if he is crap as he probably has told people at work you have. So you will have to do the walk of shame at work as well.

BethFairbright Fri 02-Nov-12 13:01:38

Just make sure it's the last he hears from you apart from work chat.

I'd give the whole dating scene a break if I were you and would avoid dating sites like the plague. You're far more likely to meet someone reasonable at a hobby or through a friend, or when your primary reason for being somewhere is not to bag a man.

Is there anything you've always fancied learning/taking up as an interest but have never had the time to do it? For example, if you're waiting to move into a new place, could you learn DIY or decorating skills?

BethFairbright Fri 02-Nov-12 13:04:12

Walk of shame?

What's shameful about 2 single people shagging?

I wouldn't string anyone along either. No-one's done anything wrong here.

kige Fri 02-Nov-12 13:08:35

He sounds like a man baby. Inability to get life sorted out etc. Cheated on wife (will repeat this). I would text back saying have a nice evening and that you just want to be friends.

KirstyWirsty Fri 02-Nov-12 14:19:25

Hi Kige I just replied Enjoy :-)

Beth I have an active social life on the 3 nights a week that I don't have DD7 .. the reason I hooked up with him is because I really really miss sex

BethFairbright Fri 02-Nov-12 14:38:42

Oh I get that. But you're more likely to meet someone nice to have sex with through a hobby or friends, not a dating site.

pushitreallgood Fri 02-Nov-12 14:50:20

i meet people that i had sex with on a dating site, twas awesome. you have to sift the wheat so to speak. met dp been together two years neither of us wanted more than some intelligent to have fun with but when it's good it is good.

LynetteScavo Fri 02-Nov-12 14:55:48

"reading back this I should just go back to enjoying my single life until someone better comes along though I think!"

I think that too.

We live and learn, and you've learnt he isn't the perfect man for you.

angelpinkcar Fri 02-Nov-12 16:19:06

Have lots of fun finding a new DP, I have started looking at other men which I hadn't done for a long time, (you may remember me and have recently split from DH) I don't feel ready to go the distance and actually find one as its all very early days and not very interested in that whole scene and feel eally guilty for looking at other men even though I haven't done anything wrong but I hope it happens for us Kirsty Wirsty (one day)

KirstyWirsty Fri 02-Nov-12 16:46:49

I'm not in any rush really angel .. Not good timing as staying at mum's but I've moved on from feeling that I'd never want to be involved with someone again which will be your next step x

Proudnscary Fri 02-Nov-12 18:15:45

I've seen a lot of your posts Kirsty and remember your old nickname. It's great you feel ready to move on!

This guy sounds the worst kind of dickhead! Untruthful, braggy, cringey, not only not over his ex but actually probably treating her badly if he's not sorted his finances out and is round the houses a lot, childish, spiteful (WFT with his text tonight~?) and shit in bed.

However, absolutely no harm done and good luck with meeting a great guy. They do exist I have one.

angelpinkcar Fri 02-Nov-12 21:58:51

I can't ever see that step but I am sure it will come as you have been through those steps. There is hope then proudnscary.......

KirstyWirsty Sat 03-Nov-12 10:48:30

Hi Proud glad you've found a good bloke ... I was willing to ignore all the negatives for the fantastic sex that I was being promised .. But as that didn't materialise then there is no point

Angel I didn't believe I would ever be interested in blokes again .. But I am loving my single life and someone would need to be great for me to fit them in to it

angelpinkcar Sat 03-Nov-12 15:56:24

Thanks that has given me a glimmer of hope.

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