I'm a regular but name-changed for this as it's kind of personal. Prompted by another thread today which got me thinking, because other people said similar things.
Basically I just can't see the point in sex with a partner. Have been with DH for 10 years (lived together for 5, were long-distance for a few years before that), and we've never had a lot of sex, mostly because I haven't wanted it. I try to be 'available' once a week but...and I feel horrible for saying this...it feels like a chore or a duty rather than something I want to do. DH does not pressure me, but I know he'd like more. He'd be happy to do it every day if I was up for it. We're in our 30s, good health, no kids.
I do find penetrative sex quite uncomfortable most of the time. Early in our relationship I could rarely manage it at all as it was so painful (I think the cause is vaginismus, having read about it, maybe related to the sexual abuse that happened when I was a small child). So getting to the stage of just 'uncomfortable' is good, I guess. But even if it wasn't for that, and even if we just do other kinds of sex/foreplay, I struggle to see the point. I can give myself an orgasm on my own when I feel the physical urge for one, it takes a couple of minutes then it's done and I'm satisfied. I am a bit baffled as to why I'd need another person involved in the process.
Have had relationships with other men (and one woman, I consider myself bisexual, but only in the sense that I'm equally uninterested in sex with women as with men) and it's been the same really. I do feel attracted to people sometimes, but I find I like the fantasy better than the reality of it IYSWIM?
Not sure what I want to ask really, I guess wondering if other people feel the same way, is it something you can fix or change, and is it terribly unfair of me to expect DH to stay married to me? (I would actually not mind at all if he wanted to have a fling or visit a 'professional' as long as it was done safely etc.) Sometimes I feel like a horrible person and I worry about the future of our marriage and DH's happiness :(
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Am I asexual?
19 replies
BlackBetha · 25/10/2012 22:21
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