A while ago I posted on here having discovered that me DP of over 10 years had been having a serious of very sexual and personal online affairs. He exchanged personal information about our family life, our daughters medical problems, our names, photos and in the same 'breath' had online sex with them. He lied about allot of stuff which I KNOW he had done. I then also discovered he had sent a very long, sexual text to my best friend and neighbor to see if 'she thinks I would like it'. Ever since I became a SAHM I gave up my right to help with housework, cooking and cleaning not only in the weeks but at the weekend. I have supported his career by paying for training courses and the mortgage and then when we had kids, doing 100% of the childcare whilst he could choose jobs where there was a commute. He can't control his temper and a heavy smoker who refuses to give up. Ever since this happened, I am seeing events from a new perspective and starting to think he is not the 'nice guy' that I should be grateful to have. The big big problem is that I DO NOT want to have sex with him. We are good at the family stuff, but come bed time we sit downstairs with hardly anything to say to each other. He is very big on computer games and sits there allot of the night playing on his phone. He has tried very hard since I confronted him, but I just don't want him near me! I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I do feel bad for feeling like this and if I could feel attracted to him and want him sexually, it would fix so many problems.
At night time I sleep as far away from him as possible and then feel bad about the next day as he must feel so rejected.
He is lovely with the children and they adore him. The children and their happiness means everything to me and the thought of of splitting up with him seeing less of them and potentially loosing the house etc, is just awful.
I am setting up as a child minder and looking for temporary work in the mean time, but it will take months.
In the mean time I'm living in a painful limbo.
My mum totally rejected me, as a child to some degree and totally as a teen. She made me homeless and binned my belongings when I was 18. I found the rejection heart breaking and it wasn't soon after that I met DP - who I was attracted too, not because of his appearance or our ability to understand each other - but because he was a kind person who made me feel safe.
She knows what has happened and is telling me to go to counselling because I don't feel attracted to him and I probably need counselling (I don't think I do!), that if DP felt rejected, it's no wonder he would go off and do those things, that being a single parent would be hell, what would I do if he ran off with my friend (the one he sent the text to), and that if I ended things he would have a new girlfriend straight away and I would be alone. She really does say all this!
Where do I go from here?!!!!
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Need to end this - but I'm still having doubts and my mum keeps scaring me!
15 replies
ilovehugs · 12/10/2012 09:26
OP posts:
hildebrandisgettinghappier ·
12/10/2012 09:41
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hildebrandisgettinghappier ·
12/10/2012 10:01
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