SUPPOSE TO BE GETTING MARRIED NEXT YEAR IS IT ON OR OFF

[mushymel1984]

Hi im mel,
not sure what to say my partner and i have been together for 4 yrs now
i have 2 children from previous relationship 9 and 10 and a son with current partner who is 2 now.

We are suppose to be getting married next august im sorting most of the wedding stuff which i dont mind, but i just feel our lifes are starting to go down the drain slowly but surley we never actually do anything together not alot of the time and things we want to do (me and kids that is) he doesnt want to, he is loving caring generous we dont have much sex anymore either id say twice in 6 months i just feel i cant at moment but is it fair to be with someone just for love
i think i need more in my relationship but i cant break our family up it would be so devestating the girls have been through enough.
i just cant seem to get through to him about things he is a very closed person we love eachother so much but i just need some communication how do you fix something that isnt quite broken yet !!!!!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Does he know how you feel? That would be the starting point for me. Does he know you want to spend more time together as a family, have sex more often and all the rest? Have you sat him down and told him very specifically that it's making you change your mind about marrying him? If you have tried to explain these things and it's like talking to a brick wall, then it would be a mistake to marry him with some vague hope that things would improve because of 'love'. If you haven't had the talk, then start there.

[mushymel1984]

i have told him before how i feel but not on this occasion he is quite hard to get through to sometimes he just nod and then next day its back to normal i do know i need to talk to him just not sure how to start it which is not me im quite a verbal person (not violent verbal ) but when its someone you love its harder i think i have to just bite the bullet and tell him i just dont want to mayby make things worse as i do want to try for the whole family and not just give up x

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

The four words you want are 'we need to talk'. Pick a time when you can concentrate on what each other is saying. Switch off the TV. No distractions. Then you explain to him that you are unhappy with the way the relationship is going and are having second thoughts about marriage for X, Y Z reasons.

I know you're considering the 'whole family' and presumably there's some pressure on you if you've already booked dates for weddings and are organising dresses or whatever but, ultimately, this is about how you'll be spending the next 30, 40 years of your life. The kids will be off and gone, making their own lives sooner than you can possibly imagine and that will leave you and your DP (now DH) staring at each other across the cornflakes. If you've nothing in common, never go anywhere together and never have sex... is that an attractive proposition?