fighting is the hardest part

[outnumberedbythree]

i have been through alot with dp but atm i am finding things very hard to deal with and was just wondering whats the hardest thing you have been through with your dp/dh and still come out fighting

[pear003]

Hey offering a hand to hold xxx

[outnumberedbythree]

thank you xx

[outnumberedbythree]

am really feeling it atm

[pear003]

me to, have been for ages, well I think, just don't know, hope your ok x

[outnumberedbythree]

i really want to leave but at the same time i love him i just now things aren't going to change i feel as though im running after someone that does'nt want to be caught

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

IME you can love anything if you set your mind to it. When you're with someone all the time that's the thing you love and you can't imagine life any differently. Spend some time apart.... not just a day or two but several months.... and two things happen. First you're upset because you're nostalgic for the good times but then you have the opportunity to properly understand what's been going on and that gets them out of your system. Worst thing I went through with my exH was him walking out on me announced only by a note on the kitchen table. Took me a while to get angry about his behaviour but, once I'd made that mental leap, I've been fighting ever since. :)

[outnumberedbythree]

thats the thing we have spent along time apart (i don't want to go into reasons why on here as i asked for advice before about us and got totally flamed) so maybe that has damaged our relationship but i really don't just want to give up but i now i have to for my own sanity

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

It's not 'giving up' if your love isn't reciprocated. It's being realistic, mature and protecting yourself from further harm. Spending time physically apart but still thinking of yourself as in a relationship makes it more difficult to make the break because nothing much changes on the ground. What has to change is in your head.... 'we are not together any more'.

[outnumberedbythree]

i totally agree with the thinking were still together situation.

atm we barely see each other and its driving me crazy we don't talk anymore about anything i find things out from friends or family what he's doing i just cannot find the strength to walk away if we didn't have dcs it would be so much eaiser and tbh i think i would have left already

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I don't understand the set-up. You don't see each other, you find out things from friends, but you have children... do you actually live together?

As for the strength to walk away, do you have the strength to give your children a more settled life with one happy parent rather than witnessing the obvious distress and misery of two parents that clearly don't get along....?

[outnumberedbythree]

we do live together and i use that term loosely we see each other a few hours a day before we go to sleep.

i know i need to find the strength for them as well as me.