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AIBU to my brother away from me son

(72 Posts)
BlueBirdsNest Mon 01-Oct-12 23:14:45

Don't your dare ever ever ever try and touch my child again.#

I have reported you to the the police before and I'll do it again if you come anyway me or my again

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Fri 12-Oct-12 18:46:18

I would make an official complaint to the IPCC if the police refused to investigate your complaint of abuse.

I'm confused why they didn't investigate when your son was abused as he was a minor, but i'm on the fence about that because my DS disclosed that he had been touched sexually by the same person who seriously abused DD and the CPS said that they couldn't press charges due to no evidence other than DS' say-so and he was only 6-7

I would complain to the social services and let them investigate if they wish, as positive he would be in contact with vulnerable people at Uni. Let them deal with the police, they're more likely to be listened to.

whatthewhatthebleep Fri 12-Oct-12 17:20:53

I think you need to have a talk with your DS...ask him why he thinks you would ever lie to him and that your concerns for him are serious and you need him to be careful with himself if he's seeing his uncle and chooses to continue doing this.

It's very difficult but you can't control this situation...just try to make sure your DS has a clear view on things and that he stays mindful of your concerns for him with this person.

Your DBro may be gay but before when he was younger he was likely experimenting, etc, which is no excuse and you must try to raise these concerns again, though tbh, I doubt you will get very far unless your DS is a very vulnerable 19yr old and his safety is your responsibility still. Police are unlikely to intervene with consenting adults so to speak, between your DS and Bro.

KelperRose Fri 12-Oct-12 17:00:15

nothing absolutely nothing

I was told by a police officer quote 'You do know your brother is gay yes ...'

which more or less meant ...we don't believe're female and he is gay

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Fri 12-Oct-12 16:39:12

And what did they do about him abusing your DS?

Sorry for all the questions x

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Fri 12-Oct-12 16:38:35

Did the police act on what you had told them about him abusing you?

KelperRose Fri 12-Oct-12 15:51:52

The last conversation we had before I threw him out my house, I didn't throw him out I paid for a taxi to take him home

he looked at me and said 'you have the most amazing tits'

Makes my skin crawl thinking about it/him

KelperRose Fri 12-Oct-12 15:45:55

i went to the police around 9 years ago ....for what he did to me . This was shortly after my mum died .

I never wanted to say anything or involve the police whilst my mum was alive

I went back to the poilce second time when he got in bed with my son and touched him.

I mean seriously if you were a grown man of 50 would you not just sleep on the settee instead of climbing into a bed with my son?

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Fri 12-Oct-12 14:11:31

Ah also not to be pedantic but you said *to the poster who said I'm encouraging my son to see my brother I'm not, I'm really really not
* they only got this idea from your comment on the first page which was that you encouraged contact because you think blood is thicker than water.

Obviously you were so distraught the other night that everything was coming out in a jumble, everyone on here will be supportive don't worry x

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Fri 12-Oct-12 14:05:13

Oh poor you sad So sorry to hear what you've been through!

With your son, i think the best you can do is warn him, and tell him to let you know if anything untoward happens.

Its a bit hmm in my opinion that he wants to hang round and socialise with someone who hurt his mum.

Can i ask what you reported him for when you went to the police? The abuse that happened to you, or the fact he is having contact with your son and you don't want him to?

KelperRose Fri 12-Oct-12 13:58:45

I was told not to go or come to the house that evening

When my son was younger I would not let him anywhere near my brother.......and I'm divorced but his dad felt the same way

It worries mt more because I know my brother works in an enviroment that he has acces to young men (universty) and he has com onto and realistically got young men to go with him

I know this for a fact as I have spoken to two of them who more or less said your brother is a predator. These were just two young men going about their busines who my brother indoctrinated

I really don't like him , he sexually abused me and is continuing to do so with others.

I went to the police.......I reported him and nothing was done I was made to feel like a prize idiot

KelperRose Fri 12-Oct-12 13:44:11

I've only now come back to this thread after a bit

Yes English is my first language

to the poster who said I'm encouraging my son to see my brother I'm not, I'm really really not

it is a horrible situation , there are three siblings (both our parents are dead)

My sister does not believe me about what happened ...she's 10 years older than me and was closer to brother so basically she thinks I'm talking shit about him

When my son (19) got on a bus and meet his uncle his uncle said come up to xxx (my sisters) on Thursday we can all have fun and I'll be there

I can't tell my son to keep away from him because he his old enough to make his own mind up on who he socialises with.

And he is my brother, his uncle

I just wish he had never gone there

True, or that she was extremely distressed

Hope she comes back

Dryjuice25 Mon 08-Oct-12 00:38:46

It's possible that English is not the first language for op?????

Who said the OP encouraged contact, i can't see that anywhere, if anything she seems to be going absolutely spare that he is anywhere near her DS?

olgaga Thu 04-Oct-12 11:12:43

You should call the police right now. Get on with it!

KatMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 04-Oct-12 11:09:04

Hi there, we've moved this into Relationships now. Hope you find the advice and support you need OP thanks

Bossybritches22 Tue 02-Oct-12 18:37:03

cheeky you may be right there, she was clearly upset. sad

Hope you're OK BBN

cheekybarsteward Tue 02-Oct-12 16:21:19

I think OP may have believed she was on FB? Really can't get a grip on what has happened.
Hope everything is ok?

Bossybritches22 Tue 02-Oct-12 15:57:15

Maybe not Just but I don't think the OP was really thinking straight when she started it to be fair.

JustFabulous Tue 02-Oct-12 14:18:33

So not the type of thread for this topic

Bossybritches22 Tue 02-Oct-12 14:15:14

OP how are you feeling today? come & talk to us if you need to, hopefully we can get a clearer picture of how we can help.

Even if it's just to have a rant........<< un-MN hugs>>

timeforanewname Tue 02-Oct-12 09:12:12

Im sorry but you said early in the thread that he sexually abused your son so why the fuck would you ENCOURAGE them to have contact?

shewhowines Tue 02-Oct-12 08:43:17

Your son is an adult so can make his own choices but you can help him make those choices by giving him all the relevant information. You need to tell him what happened to you so that he can make an informed choice.

The best way of protecting your son is by talking to him and explaining why he needs to be careful.

Are there any other children your brother has contact with that could be in danger too? Perhaps you need to speak to someone (doctor?) and discuss the option of going to the police about your abuse to protect others, especially if you think it has already happened to others. If you go forward it may enable others to be brave and come forward too.

Horrible situation for you. Be brave.

cory Tue 02-Oct-12 08:29:47

If it is your son who is 19, then he is an adult and quite frankly it is up to him to decide whether to keep away from his uncle or not. Incest between uncle and nephew is illegal in this country iirc (at least incest between uncle and niece is), but as both are adults they would equally be breaking the law. You are hardly going to be able to get the police to look on this incidence as a kind of child abuse merely because your brother abused you when you were a child. Unless your son has SN he will not be considered a vulnerable adult either- just an adult.

What you can do is a) report your brother to the police for his abuse of you b) explain to your son (if he will listen) why getting involved with this person is not a good idea.

But you cannot make decisions for your son; that's his job.

100mph Tue 02-Oct-12 01:44:13

You sound like you're kicking yourself for letting your son have any contact / for trusting the old 'blood is thicker than water' adage.

If you have any suspicion, given what you know about what he's capable of and his apparently threatening phone call - you need to consider speaking to the police - even if only informally for advice.

You've trusted so far - and it's got you feeling like you do now. Up to you if you decide to trust again - and how much to trust - whether it's ok to see him, whether it's ok to leave it to your demand to him, whether you want the police to warn him etc..

You don't want to be sitting here later feeling you still trusted too much - like you do now but worse.

I hope you make the right decision. Good luck - I have to go now but if you can say more - and a bit more clearly - I'm sure others will wish to help.

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