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Empty nest

(18 Posts)
Freeagent Sun 30-Sep-12 19:45:19

I've been a single parent for the last 3.5 years and get along just fine. Kids slowly moving away mentally (nights out, BF/GFs etc) so when the youngest went off to college last week it wasn't too much of a shock. I do miss them but I'm enjoying not having to be the grown up responsible one.
Problem is my mum keeps phoning to check I haven't gone off the rails. I know it's because she cares about me and it trying to be kind and I should be grateful but I'm starting to find it hard not to be snippy with her. My parents are happily married and never do anything alone so I'm never going to convince her that I'm happier single than I was in a failing relationship. I love my kids but I'm not just their mother, my life isn't that one dimensional. I'm starting to feel that I'm wierd not to be in a state. Help!

Schlock Sun 30-Sep-12 19:46:19

Doesn't sound like you need much help tbh! grin

Enjoy the freedom.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 30-Sep-12 19:50:51

Let the phone go through to answerphone. smile I also have a DM that regularly calls and asks 'are you all right?' in the tone of voice most people reserve for someone recently diagnosed with a terminal disease. I'm not just single, I also have an only child.... 'epic fail' as the kids say. LOL!

MorrisZapp Sun 30-Sep-12 19:52:42

Ooh you lucky thing. Enjoy it.

Numberlock Sun 30-Sep-12 19:55:36

God isn't being single with older kids moving onto the next stage of their lives just the best? I bloody love it too!

Freeagent Sun 30-Sep-12 19:57:46

I pick up the phone and she says "you're alone....." (and the bogeyman is coming.....?!) It makes me want to scream (rolls eyes but can't remember how to add the right smiley)

Numberlock Sun 30-Sep-12 20:01:47

You poor half-person! I guess the more you insist you're fine, the more it seems you're justifying yourself and failing.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 30-Sep-12 20:01:52

Blimey. Is it Stating The Bleeding Obvious Week where she lives? smile

Freeagent Sun 30-Sep-12 20:01:59

OOh yes Numberlock I enjoyed having them, did all the parent things, and count myself very lucky that they're now independent and capable of having lives of their own. Now I've got my life back to do something else.

Numberlock Sun 30-Sep-12 20:03:30

Here here, Free.

Freeagent Sun 30-Sep-12 20:07:39

I get quite lightheaded thinking about it.

Hesterton Sun 30-Sep-12 20:10:14

Your poor mum, it says so much more about her fears. Is your dad well?

I am with you on the empty nest thing, it is joyful and fabulous to have your beloved babies launched into the world and then be able to find space for your own interests to really develop - with their support from wherever.

Freeagent Sun 30-Sep-12 20:17:48

They're both remarkably healthy Hesterton, but she worries about everything. That's why I feel mean being irritated.

catsrus Sun 30-Sep-12 20:20:43

agree totally numberlock - I've cleared the hallway of the shoe mountain, am putting up with the chaos of youngest dd getting ready for the gap year trips and am letting them and their friends have full use of the biggest and best room and TV (was ex DHs study wink) secure in the knowledge that one day it will all be mine <evil cackle> and they will just come home to visit.

I'm planning a coven commune of my best female friends to move in with me maybe the occasional gay male

I too get lightheaded thinking about it grin

Freeagent Sun 30-Sep-12 20:24:30

I like the sound of a coven.....
Eye of newt anyone?

Numberlock Sun 30-Sep-12 20:32:03

Put me down for that catsrus!

catsrus Sun 30-Sep-12 22:47:42

I'll start a little list.... grin

Numberlock Mon 01-Oct-12 14:42:06

This link just came up on my Yahoo home page.

We obviously only think we're OK when clearly we're not wink

The worst things about being single
Most of the time, you’re so busy with work, friends and fun, you might not even notice you’re single. But occasionally, even the proudest singleton among us will admit that it would nicer to have someone else around. Here are some of those moments…

The third wheel
Your coupled up friends might be great at inviting you out, but the novelty of nights out with just you and a pair of love birds can begin to wear thin, especially if you feel they’re only inviting you out of pity.

Dinner parties
There’s only one thing worse than arriving at a dinner party to find you’re the only one who’s single - arriving to find there are two single people there: you and someone hideous they’re trying to set you up with.

Self-medicating
Even if you pride yourself in being self-sufficient, this can quickly unravel when you’re ill. It’s up to you to drag yourself down to the chemist and cook yourself up some warming soup, and it’s not nice at all.

Other people’s pity
If you’ve made the decision to be single, it can be extremely frustrating when others assume you’re lonely, unhappy or somehow incomplete as a person. And it gets worse when you feel they pity you or they try to sympathise.

Longing
If you’re not single by choice, that feeling of longing can be overwhelming. You know it’s bad when you feel a pang of jealousy over your favourite TV character getting a date, or when the sight of a two-man tent in the Argos catalogue sends you into a wistful daydream.

The cost of it all
Being single can be expensive, with no one to share a taxi with and the dreaded single room supplement in hotels. It also seems impossible to finish a loaf of bread by yourself before it goes mouldy.

Holidays
Holidays are another nightmare. It’s not that you need a partner to go on holiday with, it’s more that the friends you used to have a hoot with while away are now all coupled up and not available to go away with any more. And you don’t want to go away with other single people just by default.

Compromising
Sometimes you might suspect that you’re just too comfortable in your own company. You hate it when people visit you and mess up your things, and you get so used to doing what you want when you want that you find it hard to compromise when you’re with others.

Lack of cuddles
Quite simply, it can be horrible not to have cuddles on tap. Sure, you can get a hug from your friend or your relative, but they’re not always around exactly when you need one, and not everyone feels comfortable enough to ask for a hug.

Table for one
You’ve cracked going to the cinema by yourself, you can do art exhibitions alone and it’s actually a relief not to have to go shopping with someone else, but what you can’t bring yourself to do is to sit and have dinner in a restaurant alone. Takeaways are all well and good, but sometimes that buffet restaurant is calling your name, and your mates aren’t around to join you.

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