Anyone made long distance love work?

[toptramp]

I met an amazing man on holiday. We have loads in common. We talked all night, we shagged all night; we get on so well and we have an amzing connection.

The trouble is he lives in Spain but I never felt like this about anyone. At first we were being sensible and said lets just keep it as a nice memory and then we started texting and said we didn't want to stop. We text and use Facebook.

We are both skint but we will try to make it work. I am going to visit him soon and he will come to visit me. I just feel so sad because of the distance and I just want to be with him. I think it is typical I meet someone so lloovely and then he lives in another country. I am trying so hard to be sensible about this and keep cool.



My sister and her husband lives a plane ride apart. they met in America and now they are married. How do you keep things going with a distance?

[Tryharder]

I have but it's hard but less so these days with the Internet and low cost airlines. You can talk face to face on Skype free of charge.

[TrippleBerryFairy]

I lived in states for a little while and had a boyfriend there. We were talking marriage but i went back (to europe, many reasons). Long distance rl lasted for over a year, we didnt meet in that time. He became distant and i now know why- he met someone else and had a daughter with her. They split up though. I am now with someone else and have a son. So no, it didnt work for us.

[MumofWombat]

To cut a long story short....I met my DH when he came to the UK to watch the Ashes 3 years ago. A few weeks later (early sept) he returned to Australia. I travelled to see him for Christmas and New Year and we got engaged. I emigrated the following May and we got married in the October. We have an incredible DS and a second DC on the way. So for us we made it work! We were mid thirties and both of us knew instantly that what we had was something different to what either of us had experienced before (in fact we first talked about getting married four days after meeting....)
I had some savings from a redundancy which helped with flights and visa costs and goodness how we would have coped without Skype.... So make use of that would be my first tip!
I also think you need to be very open with communication and trust each other. Its not easy but I can tell you that what I have with my DH is worth it.

[Offred]

When I met DH he lived in London, I lived up north (his hometown). We met at a wedding, spoke on msn/facebook for about 6 months during which time i had a brief unsuccessful relationship with someone else. He came up and took me out for dinner, we slept together then from then on he'd come up or I'd go down with my kids for a weekend once a month and we talked on the phone/msn/facebook for another 7 until he decided to move in with me. Then we got married 5 months after that and I found out I was pg about a week before the wedding, that turned out to be twins! It was a bit of a whirlwind but we both put equal effort into seeing each other and were both confident of our feelings about each other.

[BellaOfTheBalls]

DH & I met online. We spoke for 2 years before finally meeting up. As soon as I had met him I realised this was going to be a significant relationship in my life.

We were 250 miles apart for the first 6 months of our relationship. I know it's hardly different countries but any distance is difficult IMHO. We would talk/text/MSN every day then would see each other every 4-6 weeks. Neither of us drove so actually getting to see each other involved a lot of public transport but we managed! After 6 months we hit a "make or break" point & it was then that I decided to move to be with him. 6 years, 2 DC's, 1 wedding and a relocation later we're still here to tell the tale.

You can make it work. It's hard but perfectly possible. You just have to dedicate a lot of time & effort to it. TBH the price of flights if you book them far enough in advance is probably cheaper than a long distance R'ship with someone in this country

Good luck!

[pinkmagic1]

I met DH on holiday in Egypt when I was 17. We have now been married for 15 years and have 2 children. When I met DH nobody had mobiles or internet and I imagine now it would be so much easier. Spain isn't a million miles away and depending on where he lives you may be able to use low cost flights. Follow your heart, if you don't give things a chance you will always wonder.

[TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers]

Not the same sort of distance but I met DH just before I moved 6 hours train-ride away. We were both horribly skint so there'd be weeks that we wouldn't see each other but we managed to keep it up for two years before I moved back to be with him. That was ten years ago and we've been married for four. There's no reason why you should write him off just because he's far away, if it's meant to be it will happen!

[alto1]

I had a two-year relationship with someone in Switzerland twenty years ago. No internet or mobile phones. Spent everything I had on plane tickets (some of them for him) and daily landline calls.

Then he moved in with me in London but (I found out later) he'd already decided to leave me & was just using me for temporary accommodation until he found a house he wanted to buy. Then he dumped me.

I was totally committed to him and devastated by the split (though now I think, thank goodness).

I couldn't have predicted it and neither could anyone who knew us. But if I'd known how it would end I don't think it would have stopped me at the beginning.

So, no help at all from me! Good luck

[xkcdfangirl]

Yes many people do make long distance love work. However, all the cases I know were cases where people met in normal day-to-day life and then one of them had to move away for work. Holiday romances are different - it is quite likely that consciously or not, neither of you were really presenting the "real you" to each other - holiday romances are usually a nice game to play to create nice memories but with little depth. You are currently continuing the game - and there is no harm in that, for a while. However, you are setting yourself up for later loneliness if you put all your energies now into a fantasy relationship with no long-term future.

To find out whether it would work, you need to spend time together in a context where neither of you are "on holiday" and you can see what you are like together in real life. Could you both arrange a short sabatical from your other employments to spend 2-6 months working in a 3rd country where neither of you would be on "home turf" e.g. France - or perhaps the Netherlands as there's less of a language barrier for you there. As you are both citizens of EU countries you have as much right to work in Amsterdam as you do in Glasgow. Or perhaps you could both volunteer to work for an international charity project for a short time?

Then if that works, you can keep the long distance thing going for as long as it takes to work out a way to be together permanently, and yes it can work.

[twooter]

I'm happily married, 10 years on, to a holiday romance. Live 450 miles apart for a year, had lots of holidays together before I moved.

[twooter]

That should have read - lived 450 miles apart. We live together now!

[SobaSoma]

My parents (now in their 80s) lived 9,000 miles apart when they first met - she in Germany and he in Australia. He met her in Germany when he was on a European tour and after he went home (having fallen head over heels in love with her), they corresponded in the good old-fashioned way for almost two years. Then he finally persuaded her to go and visit him and she went by boat which took 4 weeks! They're still together 56 years later.

Good luck OP.

[twooter]

As to how we kept it going - long telephone calls about inane stuff, lots of short text messages. Made sure our lives weren't put on hold I between seeing each other.

[toptramp]

Thanks all for the encouraging stories.

fangirl; if I thought there was no depth I would not pursue this. Honestly we talked for hours....about my passion; literature. He is doing a PHD in literature. I have NEVER met a man who gets me like he does. We did talk about lots of other things. We just didn't stop talking (and shagging) Both were electric.

I have had holiday romances before and they were nothing like this. We were both very much ourselves as I talked about my mum's death, my labour, lots of personal things and he still isn't put ooff.

[Brodicea]

I met my husband when he loved up North and I on the south coast - not as far as Spain and that, but we did for a year. Eventually he got made redundant and moved down. It was really hard at times, but we kept the personal touch my writing old fashioned letters. I think it helped maintain some suspense and intimacy.

[toptramp]

Far from putting on an act I felt we laid everything bare; in more ways than 1!

[toptramp]

Also i should mention that his english is perfect so no worries there! he speaks better english than the men round here!

[KnitFastDieWarm]

My brother met his DP when he was visiting a friend in Ohio two years ago. Three transatlantic trips, lots of Skype calls and a handful of very sweet letters and parcels later, they are still going strong :) i also know a couple who began their relationship in this way, were apart dor over five years, and are now married. so yes, it can work!

[MrsTerrysChocolateOrange]

I am currently arguing with looking at my DH. I met him in Canada when I was on holiday there. I now live in Canada. It wasn't easy. If anyone is precious about money or secretive or not good at communication it won't work. We called a lot, visited a lot and then someone had to move so I did, partly because he could support me but I couldn't support him.

It can actually be a great way to do things. You have to talk, you have to be honest. I now have a gorgeous DD and a good life.

Good luck.

[KnackeredCow]

My parents met on holiday in Devon. My Dad lived in London at the time and my Mum on Vancouver Island in Canada. That was in 1976.

They corresponded the old fashioned way by letter and met up for another holiday a year later. My dad then wrote to my grandfather to ask his "permission" for my Mum's hand in marriage.

My Mum flew back to the UK in 1978 and they married by special licence. Mum was nervous about whether she was doing the right thing and so bought an open return flight from Canada. 36 years on and she never did use the return ticket! .

[MrsTerrysChocolateOrange]

How funny knackered I am on Vancouver Island and originally from London.

[DowntonOut]

My now husband and I spent the first two years of our relationship in different countries, and saw each other 4 to 5 times a year. It worked! And we didn't have Facebook or any sort of electronic messaging. We wrote letters and we each still have every one (somewhere). Now married with one DC and another on the way. He's currently lying snoring next to me. If it's meant to be, it will work.