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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Would you think this odd?

21 replies

Longdistance · 09/05/2012 13:59

I have just sent in an email of resignation to my company who i have worked for for nearly 15yrs. I did like my job, quite a bit, and it had lots of perks, and the ppl I worked with were so much fun, and we'd always be singing off the same hymn sheet iygwim.
I had to leave as we have moved to Oz, and tbh, I don't think I would have been able to get decent enough child care with the shifts I'd work (researched it all), and I don't have much in the way of family support due to their ill health.
Anyway, as I wrote my resignation, dh was hovering over me, and I was very tempted to tell him to foxtrot oscar, as he was getting on my nerves.
He then asked me to send him the email that I sent.
I was really confused after as to why he'd want me to send him it.
I asked him earlier, and he stalled, and stumbled to give me an answer, and then said, so he could see what it looks like
I am now confused.com, and feel like he's done something very odd.
Any ideas on this weird behaviour?

OP posts:

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bejeezus · 09/05/2012 14:03

there has to be more to this?

why didnt you just tell him to read it off the screen?

is he 'odd' in other ways?

FYP · 09/05/2012 14:08

Maybe he wanted to copy yours to send to his company?

I think it's a bit weird resigning by email after working there 15 years and you have already moved to Australia?!

OnTheBottomWithALightSaber · 09/05/2012 14:12

Was he just being a bit of a helicopter and realised he was being a bit unreasonable when you asked him why, which caused him to stumble over the answer?

TBH I wouldn't worry unless he's given you reason to with other peculiar behaviour.

I do this kind of over-supervision sometimes with my DD - it is really just me being nosey!

BelieveInPink · 09/05/2012 14:12

You've moved to Aus but have only just resigned your post? Eh?

Maybe he thought it was worded professionally and wanted to use it for himself. Doubt it though.

Anniegetyourgun · 09/05/2012 14:17

If it had been XH, he'd have wanted a copy so that he could point out later why I hadn't done a very good job of it. And then I'd have told him to Foxtrot Oscar. (But still spent a sleepless night agonising over whether he might possibly be right.)

O2BNormal · 09/05/2012 14:19

I don't understand. If you've moved to Australia was there a possibility you could have stayed with the company, if you'd been able to arrange childcare?

Longdistance · 09/05/2012 14:43

We're on a business visa here in Oz, so there is a 4 yr limit on it. We were actually trying to see how it goes, and his work is going really well, although, I've been finding it hard to settle. The job I have has perks, so I left it as long as possible, as the perks last for 3 months after you leave, hence leaving it so long.
They owe me days in annual leave so wanted this paying, and just wanted to drag it out, just in case it didn't work out here iygwim. They give the 1yr maternity, you can go back earlier if you want, and they are very good with parents and support for parents.
Dh won't be resigning from his job as he's been there 7 months now, and enjoys it, so can't be that.
You just have to email them to tell them you're resigning. In my department there are approx 13,000 of us, so a bit impersonal.

OP posts:

Longdistance · 09/05/2012 14:45

But, also, if it didn't work out here in Oz, and dh was left without a job, we'd move back, and he'd be looking after the girls coughs

OP posts:

O2BNormal · 09/05/2012 15:19

Ah, so you're resigning at the end of your ML?

Was DH perhaps concerned that you might not resign? i.e might he be concerned that you want to go home?

HereIGo · 09/05/2012 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longdistance · 09/05/2012 15:49

I've just rung my work, and they said to give it til the end of the wk before they can deal with my resignation. That's how personal it all is So won't know when I'll be going back home, as need to go and give my uniform, and several other important documents like ID to my company. I really want to see my parents too, as they cannot travel, so will take my girls (2 and a half, and 10mo) with me.
Just thought it odd that my dh wanted a copy, and was hovering around me whilst I was writing it. When I would have liked to have done it on my own, cos he certainly wasn't any comfort for me afterwards :(

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HecateTrivia · 09/05/2012 16:49

does he not want you to resign?

izzyizin · 09/05/2012 18:56

Didn't you post recently to the effect that your dh is an arse and, as soon as you've obtained a replacement passport for your youngest dc, you're planning to come back to the UK ostensibly for a visit but with the intention of not returning to him/Oz?

My guess is that he was hovering over you to make sure you sent in your resignation so that he could assure himself that you'll be returning to Oz after your visit home.

Given the circumstances, is it wise to resign from your UK based employment before you need to do so?

Longdistance · 10/05/2012 01:30

My dd's passport hasn't arrived yet from the Uk, so had 2 make a decision, as they sent me a letter, with wanting an answer. I was due to go back on the 17th June. They're sorting the offices out at work, so they haven't as such dealt with my resignation yet.
I am still going home to visit my family, to reflect on things. We still have the house back home, which is rented.
And yes, he's still an arse!!!!

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 10/05/2012 01:34

Well that's why he was hovering then. So now you need to be careful, as he obviously suspects that you are planning to leave him (and by the way, if he's an arse, go ahead.) Make sure you have done your research WRT to legal rights - is he a native Australian and do DC have dual nationality. Also, haven't read your other posts but if he has been violent or threatening, then abusive men often escalate fast when they suspect that their victims are getting ready to leave. Start preparing for the possibility of having to just grab the DC and run.

izzyizin · 10/05/2012 02:30

As I recall, you're both Brits so he won't be able to use Oz child/family law against you.

I appreciate that your employers wanted to know whether you planned to return from ml but, neverthless, I think you would have been best advised to say that you were planning to go back to work as you could have had a change of heart closer to the date.

Longdistance · 10/05/2012 08:22

We're on a 457 visa, we're not residents of Oz, so it's a bit of a grey area. I'm just worried as this may be deemed as kidnap, as have looked up the legal definition, and it seems to read exactly that. That is why I really need to tread carefully here as regards with getting home, and can't do that without dd's passport.
Although, work haven't dealt with my resignation yet, and they owe me annual leave days, and they still need to contact me back, and speak to me. They usually ask reasons why you're leaving, can they help etc, so we'll have to see.
I do think he is worried I'll leave him, as he know's how miserable this move has made me. He's intent on doing everything in his power to make sure he's comfortable, and everything goes his way. I am fed up of being boxed into a corner by the decisions he makes.
He's a real penny pincher. And I know for a fact he's been squirreling money away. I've also posted asking how family finances work, as I get money put into my account, and it's never enough. Then he moans how come I spent the money obviously on Gucci handbags and Prada shoes And I've just persuaded him to have a joint bank account, so now I can see what is going on his end. I do know there is a profit coming out of the rental, by about £600, and I want to know what he's doing with it. I'm now on the search for bank account details from the UK as I haven't seen a penny of this profit, though he says it's funding us here. I'm sceptical about that.
I have a photo of me and my best friend on a fridge magnet, and every time I see that picture, I look glowing, carefree, and fun, and reminds me of the old me, who would tell any fella to eff off if he set a foot wrong.

OP posts:

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 10/05/2012 08:29

From your last post I think you would be making a mistake to stay in Oz with him...you're suspicious of him and that's not normal in a healthy relationship....

catsareevil · 10/05/2012 08:37

Why have you resigned? I might be reading your posts wrong, but it looks like the only thing that does is to reduce your options for the future?

Anniegetyourgun · 10/05/2012 09:05

Ah, he wants to make sure you've burned your boats, then.

Frankly I'd be inclined to withdraw the resignation when he wasn't looking. You may need that job.

BelieveInPink · 10/05/2012 09:40

When are you due to come back for a "visit"?

If you're not due to go back until the end of June, and the trip home is before then, I would be inclined to withdraw the resignation. You'll need that job!

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