how to deal with this? House related

[decorazilla]

DH and I bought our 'dream house' a few months ago.

It needs next to nothing (structurally) doing to it, but lots of redecoration...

Well, I don't know what's happened between now and then (we have fab builders / decorators in), my husband has, what can only be described as becoming the male equivalent of a bridezilla of the decorating world.

if he PERSONALLY doesn't approve EVERY SINGLE decision, it's a nightmare.

He's lost it again with me today over a f**king shoe rack and the state of DD's bedroom (which is only a mess because I've had 3 chaps in the house for weeks on end and rooms - inc. main bedroom - out of action)

I ended up in tears - again - today because of him shouting the odds at me in front of the kids.

I'm not as tidy as he would like, I appreciate that, but lord I am trying - am selling loads on Ebay to clear space etc., but nothing is helping.

Anyone dealt with similar? WIll it get better when the work is over????

[decorazilla]

Just to put it in context to how bad it's become: I closed the curtains last night when I put the kids to bed (they are 2 and 3) and he opened them again, as apparently, it was not dark enough for the curtains to be closed.

I kid you not. It's like living on hot coals, never mind walking on them.

[clam]

How about waiting until the kids aren't around and then shouting back? Why should you sit there and take it and end up in tears? Tell his he can shove his perfect house as you don't wish to live in it with such a grumpy bastard!

[decorazilla]

Thanks Clam.

I do believe (I may be wrong) that he waits until times I won't retaliate. Today, we were due to go to a party. The last time he had a massive go at me, he was due to look after the children (I hardly ever expect him to deal with childcare).

Living here is rapidly losing it's appeal

[DaisyAndConfused]

Sounds like he's behaving like an arse - is this just since you've moved?

Any other stress going on?

[cestlavielife]

Is it really since you got the new house or was this behaviour there before ?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Is this dream house or the redecoration costs stretching you too much financially? People tend to become territorial/unreasonable about projects either when they're the ones paying the bills or things start running over budget. Suggest a conversation at the weekend to get to the bottom of the problem

[decorazilla]

Hmm... some interesting points...

Yes, this behaviour is largely just since we moved. He's always been more particular than me, and I am always the one more likely to let things go, but that's our relationship and it's never been a massive problem. Right now, I quite honestly dare not make even the smallest of decisions.

And, yes, while we're not financially in trouble, he is the earner and we do have FAR less disposable income than we used to.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Then you definitely need to talk. Moving house is stressful for anyone. If he's the sole earner, sees himself as 'the provider' and is trying to be project manager at the same time that's a big responsibility. If trivialities like babysitting and shoe-racks are tipping the balance, and he is not normally bad-tempered, my guess is that he's more worried than he's letting on. Obviously, that doesn't mean he should be shouting the odds and taking it out on the rest of the family. Obviously, the whole project will work better if it's a team effort and the responsibility shared more equally. I think that's what you have to talk about.... calmly and rationally.