DP redundant soon and no action plan

[barbiewitch]

We have been together 25 years and it hasn't been a good relationship. For 22 of those he has worked in the same place and is officially not working as of next week. I have given him all the support I could, throughout our lives together to make the best of his skills, talents, passions. I have bent over backwards to build his confidence and put him in touch with people etc in a way that you do for a good friend. I have asked him if he wants to go travelling / go on a big holiday / etc.

He refuses to make any plans. I don't know how we are going to live or what we are going to do. He talks about building work, he talks about doing an IT course, he talks about getting agency work. But he has not committed to doing anything. I've let it drift because I thought he would find his own path and I would support him, but that's not happening.

I wonder if anyone has any pearls of wisdom regarding his head-in-the-sand behaviour? We can't both put our heads in the sand. It's absolute lunacy to pretend that everything will fall into place - I have no idea what to do about any of this other than to perhaps pick up the kids, rent a flat and get housing benefit. If I don't I feel I will be living with someone that's completely unpredictable. His income and his working life was the only predictable thing about him.

[Ineversignedupforthis]

Can you make an appointment with the CAB to be clearer where you will be with your finances? Go on your own if he won't go. You might feel a bit better when you feel you've got more of a handle on this, even without him.

[TheyCallMeMimi]

Is there much realistic prospect of another job, either in his existing line of work, or something else? Or are you both worried about long-term unemployment? Does he talk about it much to you or anyone else? Is he angry / despairing / resigned? Sounds like he has lost confidence. What is he like otherwise; could he be depressed? How does he feel about telling other people that he is available? Does he see the situation as a problem to be solved or as the end of his useful life?

Depending on his age there is help available, but of course he has to want to make use of it.

My DH is in a similar boat and I too am trying to be positive but with no effect either.