So, we're going to counselling. Can anyone give me a few starter points?

[UpsyDozy]

DH and I have had a lot of problems.

I don't think I am in love with him any more but the thought of leaving and splitting our family up kills me. We have agreed to go to counselling but I'm not sure where to start with it all? Can anyone help me?

[ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow]

Your counsellor. Tell him/her what you told us. I'm sure that a line of questioning will follow that should help clear your mind.

[Tortington]

the counsellor will sort it all out dont worry. a good counsellor will provide structure

[PhishFoodAddiction]

Myself and DH are going to relate at the mo.

The first session was just an introductory thing, finding out what we felt were the problems but not going into much details.

The sessions after that have involved a quick recap of the last session and how we have been over the week, and then moving on to the actual counselling part.

You might find it reassuring to know that if we struggle with what we want to discuss, the counsellor asks us a couple of questions and this gives us a way in.

Good luck with it, and I hope you get the outcome you want.

[PhishFoodAddiction]

Also it might help to write down a couple of points you'd like to cover, and then you can have a quick recap before you go into the session to get your mind focused.

[UpsyDozy]

Thank you ladies - so I should get in touch with Relate to start the ball rolling? My DH is not a great talker so it's good to know that they will prod him if necessary.

PhishFoodAddiction - are you finding it is making a difference? Just wondering how/whether you can 'put feelings back' if they have gone?

[maby66]

My view? Be honest. There is no point going to counselling if you do not open up about the whys and wherefores of how you got there.
Even if it is painful to say/hear, you need to get it out in the open. Communication is the most important thing - a good counsellor will stop it decending into a he said/she said argument.
Also, be open to negotiation and trying things (this of course goes both ways, this is not something that only one person can carry through).
Try to avoid (both of you) going in with an outcome already in mind - because you will only focus on attaining that outcome.

Through counselling you may find out about yourself, why you feel certain ways, and why he behaves in certain ways.
I hope it works for you.

[PhishFoodAddiction]

I am finding it very helpful, but it all depends on honesty, and having a counsellor that you click with.

I do sometimes wonder if we are trying to flog a dead horse, but the counselling gives me hope that there is something worth saving. We are only a few sessions into it though, so haven't really got to the crux of matters yet.

It is worth ringing relate to get things moving- think we got our first appointment through within a week of first calling. They take payment on a sliding scale too which is good, as for us it means we only pay what we can afford.

Or try this link to find a counsellor in your area.

Best of luck with it.

[FunnyHaHaPeculiar]

remember the counsellor isnt there to tell you what to do, but to help you find your own answers.

[UpsyDozy]

Thanks for your help. I'm just hoping the counsellor will help me move past some of the feelings I have. If I could wave a magic wand and have ONE wish, it would be to feel about my DH the way I used to feel. He's trying so hard and is terrified that we might break up, I don't want to leave him and there is certainly no one else on the scene. I do feel more optimistic now that we are talking about counselling, at least we're addressing the issue rather than trying to pretend it's not there.

It's such a mess.

Thanks for the advice ladies.

[PhishFoodAddiction]

I really hope it will help you- it sounds as if you don't want to give up on your relationship.