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Is anyone around to help me see through a narc relative's behaviour?

(5 Posts)
tranquilitygardens Fri 07-Oct-11 08:56:34

Hello,

Narc ex mil has sent me a card, and there has to be something behind this with her.

She has not seen the kids in years now, she kept coming up with excuses.

The kids don't see her son, I believe she and the ex are narc types.

Her son remarried and is expecting a baby in weeks.

Our house is sold.

I have not contacted them since the last time she found excuses to not see the children so probably a year and a half two years now.

The oldest emailed the Grandfather, I emailed him after googling him and copied her in, and she then asked him for their address, I chucked all their contact details away as they were not interested in the kids and I couldn't see the point, I would know though how to drive to their home! She wanted to send him something, she never bothered, I reminded her a few times and she didn't bother.

The kids birthday cards were late this year, I can't even remember if they were given a present. At christmas they were sent a flannel and a cheap lipgloss. The gift value has gone down and down over the years since their Dad left.

I saw all three sisters of my ex leave their husbands and I heard and saw it all, so knew what was really behind her not spending money as much money as before and giving a cheap gift, it is devaluation of you as a person in her eyes and her letting you know.

I have never sent her a thankyou card or asked the children to since the ex left, I am not that type of person, and she mentioned once how she was infuriated with me for not sending thank you cards anymore.

I personally think that the old bag is missing supply, and has been rocked by the move and the new baby?

Someone said maybe she doesn't like my replacement much?

I am going to continue to ignore, the kids aren't interested, if they are, I will sort out them having contact, as I did last time one of them had interest, I am wondering now if it was just a test and they are not interested in the grandparents at all now!

I showed the kids the card, they were as shocked as I was!

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow Fri 07-Oct-11 09:05:45

Question: does it matter why she sent you a card?

It seems that you know what you want: to have nothing to do with her. So just ignore, ignore, ignore.

...unless there is something you do want from her? If so, what is it? A proper grandmother for your DC? Recognition of your feelings? Whatever it is you may still expect from her, it is unlikely to happen. If you readjust your expectations to "nothing", then you'll probably find you don't give two shits why she's sending you a card now.

tranquilitygardens Fri 07-Oct-11 09:12:19

ItsMe, I would have loved a proper GranMother for the children, and when someone said she probably doesn't like the replacement it cheered me up a bit, sad eh.... it knocked my confidence the way the children and I were treated and my confidence is still a little low, I know she will never be a GrandMother to the children, she never saw them much anyways, and we had to do most of the running, I accepted when I chucked their contact details away after the long conversation which she found excuses for every option given to her, that she was not interested as a GrandMohter and it is not going to happen for the kids.

I don't think of her at all now a days, she seriously does not cross my mind at all, I didn't contact her, her sending the card brought her into my thoughts again.

Katisha Fri 07-Oct-11 09:12:52

Leave it.

If she is truly a narc then in her belief system she will utterly blameless and you are the problem. This can and never will change.

So leave it.

Katisha Fri 07-Oct-11 09:14:29

We had a narc attached to our family for a while, eventually got shot of him and ceased all contacy. Suddenly got an email from him about something he'd seen in the paper. I just ignored it. He hasn't been back.We don't want all that stress again.

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