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Relationships

DH says I lie

14 replies

megcleary · 02/10/2011 10:42

We have been together 13 years, married 9 and have 2 dds.

Now in the past say 11 years ago I would embroider a story for story sake more like went 4 mile walk not 2 etc.

But now recently when we have had a row he says I lie and have lied in the past.

In the past I have and admitted it never lied on anything important. Yetserday we were discussing a row and he says I don't want to talk about it as I will get angry and i still think you made up your side of the row ie said something I didn't to make him wrong.

I think it would have been easier and avoid a row if I had not defended my side and said yes I made that up.

I am unsure whether to sit with him and have this out.

opinions please

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madonnawhore · 02/10/2011 10:48

I'm not sure I understand your post.

Are you saying that you do lie, and have admitted to lying, yet are upset that your DH accuses you of lying?

Even if you've only lied about small insignificant stuff, it would still make me doubt your truthfulness on bigger things.

Going by your OP I can't say I really blame him. But maybe we need more information.

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Kayano · 02/10/2011 10:49

You need to sit down and have this one out by the sounds of it.

If he knows you have lied in past that is why he is arguing this now. If you just accept it and say 'ok I lied' even though you didn't it will undermine every argument you have in the future too

You need to be honest and assure him while you might have fibbed on small stuff you would not lie about this and are not prepared to be made a liar of all the time

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WantToGetBackToNormal · 02/10/2011 10:51

Did you or didn't you lie?

IME a series of small lies can be worse for trust than a giant whopper, sorry.

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megcleary · 02/10/2011 10:53

Thats my fear kayano. May have to thrash this out.

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Kayano · 02/10/2011 10:57

I think you do in this instance Sad

Op said while she has lied about small things to embellish a story she didn't lie this time

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megcleary · 02/10/2011 10:58

In the recent row no and not recenlty. Not for years to be honest.
I think he is just using it to not admit he was in the wrong.

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madonnawhore · 02/10/2011 11:03

Ah I see. So you've admitted to lying about small things in the past, but haven't told any lies for years and he's still throwing it back in your face during arguments?

That's slightly different. He needs to draw a line under it and move on or you're going to be having this same argument forever.

I'm afraid it sounds like you do need to have it out with him.

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megcleary · 02/10/2011 11:30

This is going to be horrid, sigh

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madonnawhore · 02/10/2011 11:38

What is it about it that you're dreading?

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Kayano · 02/10/2011 11:58

Keep us updated. It will be daunting but it has to be done not just for this argument but for the future as well. He needs to know he can't just use 'you lie' as a way out of arguments forever

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megcleary · 02/10/2011 12:23

Dreading it not working and it going in a circle and eating away at us both.

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post · 02/10/2011 20:41

I think if someone was saying to me 'I never lied about anything important' as mitigation I'd be less than impressed. If trust is an issue then all lies are quite important, yes?
I'd start by telling him that you really realise how crap it is to lie, you get that it matters. And of course never lie about anything, no matter how small, again. There might be nothing you can do about him saying you lie, he might believe it, or as you say, it might be a point scoring thing to win him an argument. But I reckon you stand more chance if you address the issue of why he doesn't trust you. And it feels so good to be honest, to never worry about betting caught out!
Why is it that you used to lie, out of interest?

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Selks · 02/10/2011 20:46

Sounds like he's got trust issues due to your past lying. You just have to keep reassuring him that you know you did used to lie a bit but you don't anymore and you know how important it is not to etc, and allow him time to rebuild trust.

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mynewpassion · 02/10/2011 22:04

Are you sure you haven't lied in the past few years? That almost sounds like a lie in itself.

If you seriously haven't lied in the past few years, what happened to the built up trust over that time? You must've told some major whoppers for him to be this trustful even after so long of not lying.

There seems more to this story but like others said, admit to your past lying and rebuild trust.

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