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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

should i be so caught up with ths age gap?

22 replies

boytoy · 01/10/2011 20:43

have name changed for this - im nearly 32 and i have been chatting to a guy who is nearly 19 - he adores me and im a bit stunned really
is that too much of an age gap ?
its the only thing holding me back

OP posts:

Report

Muddlewitch · 01/10/2011 20:48

When you say chatting, do you mean online, by phone or in person?

I think it depends not so much on the age gap but more on personalities - is he a mature 19 or a 'lad'?

No harm in going on a date and finding out if you are compatable

Xales · 01/10/2011 20:49

Nope. Have fun and enjoy

boytoy · 01/10/2011 20:58

i mean emailing,skype ,he is so funny and im attracted to him but then i have a 13 yr old son and it just feels a bit weird,i know he is a man and not a child but still.....

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 01/10/2011 20:59

Sorry but whilst the age difference would not be a factor if you were 41 and he was 30. 19 is very young emotionally and there is no chance it will go the distance.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 01/10/2011 21:09

Nearly 19? Sorry, he's hardly a man and anyone who can 'adore' someone else purely through the medium of the internet is, IMO, either an emotionally needy plonker or a liar.

If you're planning to shag him, I suggest you check his ID first as boys as well girls frequently lie about their age when they're trying to impress.

Why not take time off the internet and get out and about to see what's available in real life?

If you can't find a real man that suits you, you can always start hanging around your local sixth form college where at least there is a reasonable assumption that the pupils students are over the age of consent.

In any event, before you go any further, think about how your ds will feel if he finds out your considering getting involved with a guy who's virtually one of his peers because 13 year olds can be unforgiving.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 01/10/2011 21:11

'your considering' - should, of course, be 'you're considering'.

RandomMess · 01/10/2011 21:14

I agree he's too young...

madonnawhore · 01/10/2011 21:17

Age differences don't need to be a big deal when both parties are adults, but this guy is only two years into being a grown up and six years older than your son.

Way too immature and inexperienced to be on your level. And also the six year gap with your son is a bit ick imo.

FiniteIncantatem · 01/10/2011 21:21

I have a rule that i never date any man who is closer to my son's age than mine.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 01/10/2011 21:21

My brother had a girlfriend of nearly 30 when he was 18.

They had some good times together, but there were definite issues because he was only learning to be an adult and she was a fully-fledged woman with her own job and house and car.

For instance, he couldn't really sympathise that well when she wanted to moan about work (had a very stressful and emotionally exhausting job) because he was 18, he knew nothing of the world of work and careers and stress.

She wanted to have children after a while, but that wasn't anywhere on his radar at his age.

TBH I could never really understand what she saw in him, as lovely as he was. He was a crap boyfriend for a grown woman.

NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain · 01/10/2011 22:37

I think that is weird esp. considering the age of your son. Find someone more suitable I'd say.

squeakytoy · 01/10/2011 22:39

I would say too young. You are on a different maturity level to a boy who has barely left school.

I was seeing someone ten years younger than me when I was 30 and it started off ok, but the differences soon became really apparent.

If you are just looking for a fling go for it, but if either of you is hoping for a long lasting relationship, I would personally say avoid it.

WibblyBibble · 01/10/2011 22:40

Er. WTF? Perv.

WibblyBibble · 01/10/2011 22:41

18 year old boys are revolting, anyway, based on my experiences at the age of 18 (note that I said at the age of 18 not last week).

squeakytoy · 01/10/2011 22:41

Who is a perv? Him or her??? I would say neither, they are both adults.

hellymelly · 01/10/2011 22:51

My DH was 22 when we met,and I was 31 that week,so there is a bit over 8 years between us.He is 39 now. obviously it all worked out for us,but it was tricky at first and we split up for nearly 2 years after our first year together,largely to do with difficulties from the age gap.We were just at very different stages,and we have also ended up having our dcs much later than would have been my choice,because he wasn't ready. I would say give it a go if you really like him,but be realistic about the possible outcome.I have plenty of friends still with their first boyfriends,met at 18, who are now in their 40's,but it is easier when you are both going through the same things at the same time.

nickschick · 01/10/2011 22:53

I was 17 when I met dh who is 34 I was v mature had had to grow up fast when my mum died when I was 11- clearly it worked for us.

Ds1 is now 18 and if a woman in her 30s was in his life itd be weird hes not mature in a relationship sense although hes v academic.

1catherine1 · 01/10/2011 22:56

It isn't really the age gap that is an issue. You are 13 yrs old than him and if you were 42 and he was 29 then it would be perfectly fine imo. But since he is 19 then in reality he is only a man in age. Children grow into adults between the age of 17 and about 22. Some do it quicker than others but it is fair to say they are still quite innocent and naive at this age. I think you should not act on this. Personally I think it is inappropriate and that one of you will regret it in years to come.

Awomancalledhorse · 01/10/2011 22:59

I was 20 (just) when I got together with DH (then 32)...we're doing alright.

You're both adults, just be clear about what you both want from this...should it turn into anything!
At 18 he's old enough to have been in the army and married for two years ffs, yes there are loads of immature 18 year olds about but there are many mature ones to!

garlicslutty · 01/10/2011 23:05

If you just want to shag him ... go for it, with lots of precautions as he could be any kind of nutcase. If you're thinking relationship - even in the back of your mind - steer well clear. It's not the age gap itself, it's the totally different life stages of an 18yo and a 31yo.

I agree with Izzy about 'adoring' you remotely, btw. Definitely immature, and a bit weird.

maleview70 · 01/10/2011 23:34

If your son came home in 5 years and said he had met a 32 year old woman with a 13 yr old kid how would you feel?

As for the comment about there being many mature 18 year olds out there. Girls maybe but lads....very few.

maddy68 · 02/10/2011 16:52

I am 43 and seeing someone who is 25. it is working out ok for us but then again he is 25 not 18! my son is 18 and I wouldnt be at all happy TBH

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