DP divorce taking sooooooooooo long!

[vic79]

Without going into the loooooong story, basically DP is divorcing his ex-wife and it's taking forever (after 3 years separated the first mediation meeting is still yet to happen!). She'ss slowing down the process at every given opportunity - delaying finding a solicitor blah blah blah.

I can't control the situation (ie, I can't call the solicitor myself to hurry it up but wish I could!) and just have to wait for it all to happen. It's really hard!

I'm a patient person, but I'm sick of being patient now....

Anyone in this situation and how do you cope?!

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

I sympathise it must be annoying.

My understanding though was that the person doing the divorcing controlled the timetable. His ex-wife can only stall for so long surely before she is summoned to appear in court or give her financial details.

Not your problem she hasn't got a solicitor, proceed anyway. Plus, why are you going through mediation? Coz that will add time to the process as well.

[mumblechum1]

He should ljust instruct his solicitor to prepare the petition, send it to her and give her 14 days to feed back (or 7 if it's a 2 year sepn petn). Then issue it.

(am a divorce lawyer btw and can't understand why it's taking so long either but obv. don't know all the facts.)

You don't have to go to mediation, you just have to at least consider it.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

I expect its worse for his ex. Why are you in a hurry for him to divorce?

[squeakytoy]

Were you the reason they split up? If so, then its understandable that she is dragging her feet... :(

If not, then whats the rush anyway?

[KatieMiddleton]

Yabu to post in YABU when not actually asking if YABU.

[HelenMumsnet]

Hello. We're going to move this thread into the Relationships topic now - we think that's a better place for it.

[vic79]

Blimey. This is my first thread on here. Be gentle, I didn't think I was being unreasonable and couldn't find another suitable section :)

Looking forward to hearing other people's (gentle) thoughts...

[vic79]

Ruby would you mind sharing why it took 6 years? Think it's probably good for me to understand worst case. Understand if you don't want to share.... Thx

[Chocolocolate]

My father's partner used to feel upset and frustrated that my father's divorce from my ex step-mother was taking so long. She believed that my ex step-mother was dragging her feet to be awkward.

I was estranged from my step-siblings but when I managed to restart contact I was informed of my ex-step-mother's frustrations as she desperately wanted a divorce but my father was dragging his feet.

I have my own opinion on our family matter but my point is, are you 100% sure that it's the ex that's causing the delay?

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

Worst case scenario? If one party won't consent to divorce the other can petition for divorce after 5 years separation, and can obtain a decree nisi without their consent.

In common with choco, I'm wondering if your dp is giving you the full sp.

Are there complex finances and/or dc to be taken into consideration?

[snoopdogg]

My divorce was on the basis of two years separation, filed in october, decree nisi in may (delay for court time) absolute in first week of july - simples.

Are there complicated property or family issues?

You can be advised to delay the 'absolute' until property/finance issues are resolved but otherwise it just goes through

[snoopdogg]

cross post izzy and ruby

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

An absolute can't be granted until 6 weeks after the nisi and, as snoopdogg has said, may be delayed pending resolution of other issues/considerations.

If you are the OW and were on the scene before your dp left his wife, she may well drag it out for 5 years - and why shouldn't she?

[snoopdogg]

Are you getting hung up on the 'divorce' issue - does it really matter?

As izzy says he can get a divorce after 5 years no matter what. If he doesn't want to be married any more he only has two years to wait if she's objecting which is nothing in the legal scheme of things and will cost next to nothing if he waits.

If they have to sort finance/property or family issues along with divorce then it is only right that he does it properly and preferably through mediation. Again, this is cheaper and has better outcomes than a contested divorce.

Finally, only he and she can decide to divorce, not you. It's a horrible place to be in but they have to end their relationship how they choose and you will have to be the bystander until they do. Sorry.

[vic79]

Thanks for the comments so far.

I guess you could say I'm getting hung up on the divorce issue.

But only because we both want to get on with our lives, move in together and have children ourselves etc.... (and we're not getting any younger!)

In my own little mind everything would be done 'properly' - he would get divorced, we'd move in together, we'd get married and have children. It's just the way we're all taught things will happen....but I know that's not always real life and maybe I need to step out of my bubble (although my own family won't be too happy if it happens in a different order...!).

We've recently made the decision that we're going to move in together anyway so that things can be done in parallel and neither of us feel like we're just waiting around.....

Yes there's a child and finances involved in his divorce, hence the mediation route, and I have been completely supportive of this decision, obviously, so as to keep things as amicable as possible for his DC. And I don't want my impatience to affect him or his DC in any way at all. So of course I'll continue to be patient so that it is done amicably and is all fully thought through. I have complete confidence that he is doing everything he possibly can to push it through (I've heard him on the phone to solicitor etc so I don't have anything to question there).

I guess I was looking for support of those who have also 'waited' and how you got through it?......