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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

confused about sexuality???

18 replies

littlestar3 · 30/09/2011 19:38

Hi im not really sure where to start never been on a site like this before but really need some help as i have no one to turn to. im 31 am a single mum to 3 children have only ever slept with 3 men and all have been abusive and very violent. the thing is i have met some one we are great friends they make me happy are gentle caring and kind and im totally head over heals in love, but the thing is she is a woman and i am so confused??? when i was with my partners i never liked them to touch me couldnt stand being near them didnt enjoy sex and never had a orgasm it was just sex and i never when i think about it now loved them as much as i love this girl i am seeing, she is a lesbian has been for 15 yrs i have the most amazing feelings for her am close to her i enjoy her touching me and im not scared just confused ??? i have 3 kids im a mum and yet ive been sleeping with a girl ???does this mean i am lesbian or am i just curious or has it always been there? she is my first experience of being with some one the same sex and i am totally head over heels in love with her but confused is it because of my abusive past that ive suffered or am i really a lesbian and just not admitted it for all these years?? can any one help me as i am going insane i have children but i have these crazy mad feelings for some one the same sex as me??? should we pursue what is already there or do i ignore my feelings and stop seeing her?? any advice would be helpful

OP posts:

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bigfathippo · 30/09/2011 19:43

i think if she makes you happy and you enjoy her company then you should carry on seeing her. there is nothing to be ashamed of being in a same sex relationship :)

PonceyMcPonce · 30/09/2011 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helltotheno · 30/09/2011 19:46

Don't worry too much about labelling things, don't get obsessed with it because at the end of the day, a label means nothing. I find it helps me if I think of people just being people with no labels with regard to sexuality, colour, religion etc, even gender to some extent. Don't overthink it. If you have those lovely feelings about this person, what's wrong with exploring that? Of course you should pursue it. This is a person who makes you feel good and you like being with, why shouldn't you pursue it?

Re the kids, I don't think there's any real need to tell them. If she becomes part of your life, she will likely become part of their lives automatically. No need to start giving it a name...

AKissIsNotAContract · 30/09/2011 19:46

My sister's wife was previously married to a man and has 3 children. She fell in love with my sister and they've been happily together for 10 years.

If this woman makes you happy then go with it. You don't need to label yourself lesbian/bi if you don't wish to.

Mabelface · 30/09/2011 19:47

Pursue what is there. I agree with what Poncey said about falling in love with a person. I hope you're both very happy together and have a lovely life. xxx

giyadas · 30/09/2011 19:48

you sound very naive for a 31 yo. If you like her, spend time with her and see if a worthwhile relationship develops, just like you would if it was a man.

peterpan99 · 30/09/2011 19:49

i agree with ponce, you fall in love the person not the gender. You may not be a lesbian, just in love with a woman.
If she makes you happy then who cares!

MangoMonster · 30/09/2011 19:50

I'm not sure it matters whether you define yourself as a lesbian or not. You've met someone who you are having a fulfilling relationship with. Just enjoy it and see where it takes you.

littlestar3 · 30/09/2011 19:55

im just worried about how it will affect my children i love her like i have never loved any one else before and she has made me a very happy person she is kind caring gentle soft and ive never had that from a male before, i do worry a little about what my family are going to say but they know what i have been through and they have seen how happy i have been since i have been seeing her so surely they will understand and be happy that i am happy??? but i do worry that my children will be bullied because of it??

OP posts:

Mabelface · 30/09/2011 19:57

Your children will grow up with tolerance of differing relationships, and that's a good thing. If you're happy with her and she's so lovely, then she's only going to be a positive influence on your children's lives.

MangoMonster · 30/09/2011 20:00

Agree with madlizzy

bigfathippo · 30/09/2011 20:03

agree with madmango

Chrononaut · 30/09/2011 20:13

Happy mums = happy children, if your happy they will be too and all children get picked on in some form or another so i would not worry too much about that.
If shes good with your DCS and they love her too, then at the end of the day they will be happy and loved by two wonderful parents. no bully can take that away from them

helendigestives · 30/09/2011 20:14

I think after your past relationships you deserve some happiness. I wish you all the best.

littlestar3 · 30/09/2011 20:15

thankyou you have all made me feel a whole lot better, my kids love her and we are all sogood together thankyou all so much for listening x

OP posts:

rapunzelsoldaunt · 30/09/2011 20:26

Hi i just wanted to say that my ex. Boyfriend was brought up by his mum in a lesbian couple and he was one of the most well balanced men ive ever had the pleasure to know. He wasnt teased, his mums didt label themselves. Go for it, dont get het up on putting labels.on your relationship

FabbyChic · 30/09/2011 20:29

Hey I understand this, it is because of the relationships you have had with men that you feel that a woman might treat you better.

I was married for 7 years and yet when I was with him I thought I was gay because I felt nothing for him. I embarked on a few relationships with women over the years, but for me it showed me that I was not in fact gay, sex with a woman is like a three course meal without the dessert, their is something missing.

giyadas · 30/09/2011 20:36

You really didn't need our approval, but I'm glad you feel better. This is going to sound like self-help wank but you only need your own permission to be happy. I think you should start having more faith in your own opinion and feelings. (sorry, I don't mean that to come across as bossy or harsh)
Hope it all goes well

Flip

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