I have name changed because people offline may know my other username.
I don't know how to start this really, I'm sat here with a bottle of wine, meant to start off as a glass but has turned into the whole bottle.
I got engaged earlier this year, it was a long distance relationship, and after a big hiccup in terms of trust, my partner dragged me through emotional torture, not talking to me, not really ending the relationship, making me think there was hope for our relationship. Eventually I had to say that I knew it was over but still didn't get much in the way of confirmation. I went into a sort of shock, although I was upset outwardly I was putting on a brave face, went out with my friends, got drunk and tried to put it behind me.
But I wasn't OK, not a day goes by where I don't cry, or think about what we had, I tried so hard to keep the relationship going but they didn't try in the slightest, instead turned to their ex/friend for escapism and getting back into a hobby they had shared.
I feel like he has walked away unscathed, getting on with life without a backward glance. He e-mailed recently asking if I was alive and I text him saying I was but I was still struggling, but he never replied. Makes me think he didn't e-mail worried at all, I don't know, just seemed bizarre that he wouldn't reply.
I eventually had to ask if there was any hope for us at all and he said he didn't want to be in a relationship any more. I had no choice but to accept that but I feel so hopeless, I go through different thoughts in any 24 hour period anger, upset, devastation, suicidal.
I often think to myself what is actually keeping me here, and the only think I can come up with is my job, how sad is that, my job is the only thing in my life that brings me joy.
My friends seem to not care, although they thought I was coping, I have told them since I'm still struggling but nothing, I invited them round for a movie night and one by one they all but one cancelled. I just feel like giving up completely.
I don't have children yet so that's not an issue. I'm on my own.
I'm sorry this has turned into a complete and utter waffle, but I'm hoping I'll feel better for putting it down somewhere.
If you read this, thank you :)
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Relationships
One glass to a bottle...
19 replies
Liebfraumilch · 28/09/2011 18:05
OP posts:
PenguinsAreThePoint ·
28/09/2011 20:08
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