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why is he doing this?

(54 Posts)
hariboegg Mon 26-Sep-11 08:40:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TanteRose Mon 26-Sep-11 08:43:27

if he really does like/love you, he would respect your wishes for some alone time

you are not crap smile he may be

be careful

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 26-Sep-11 08:48:39

Guys that fall in love fast-- also fall out of love fast. If he's shallow, he'll be quick about telling you how much he loves you-- even if you've not been dating long.
Some abusive men will say "I love you" to try to trap a women into a relationship. Telling you they love you too quickly is a bad sign that he's either shallow and doesn't know what true love is (which can take months or years to form, after both partners know each other), or he's trying to hook you so you won't leave.
A normal person will wait a good amount of time before they commit or love another person.

RabbitPie Mon 26-Sep-11 08:50:18

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hariboegg Mon 26-Sep-11 08:54:52

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hariboegg Mon 26-Sep-11 08:56:19

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RabbitPie Mon 26-Sep-11 09:01:48

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kat2504 Mon 26-Sep-11 09:03:16

Attila is right. Guys that blow hot quickly also turn cold very quickly. I have first hand experience of this. He sounds very impulsive to be so full on from the start, it isn't normal progression of a relationship. My ex was all about how much he adored me and would always love me right from the start. I was dumb enough to fall for it at the beginning. It seems you have already taken a step back and seen this as quite suffocating behaviour. I think you are right, it is based on his insecurities. The meat market comment is offensive in my opinion.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 26-Sep-11 09:05:03

I would read up on controlling behaviours because he is trying to control you by both word and deed. He did not have to collect you after your night out, was that his idea btw?.

There are many red flags here; I would bin him off before you get further enmeshed within his controlling behaviours.

RabbitPie Mon 26-Sep-11 09:05:24

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AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 26-Sep-11 09:09:06

Re this comment:-

"but then he said he sees how men look at me becuase i am beautiful and doesnt like me being part of the meat market, at 35!"

Listen to what he is really saying here; this is his view of women and it is a warped one. He wants you all to himself so he can control you. These are all the types of things a controller would come out with. The meat market comment is appalling as well as offensive.

hariboegg Mon 26-Sep-11 09:14:27

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StewieGriffinsMom Mon 26-Sep-11 09:15:57

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AnyFucker Mon 26-Sep-11 09:16:23 do remember we have been gently (and not so gently) warning you about this guy since you first mentioned him, don't you ?

hariboegg Mon 26-Sep-11 09:17:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kat2504 Mon 26-Sep-11 09:21:06

haribo that is now a massive warning sign to stay away from him.

SirSugar Mon 26-Sep-11 09:23:41

Time to jump ship I think haribo

ShoutyHamster Mon 26-Sep-11 09:26:20

Red flags all over the place.

It's only been since May...

Not too much time wasted.

Really, MOVE ON. Move on right now.

He's controlling, manipulative, pushy. You already feel you aren't yourself with him.


HairyGrotter Mon 26-Sep-11 09:43:58

Get out, get out now I say. The bell doth toll

lolaflores Mon 26-Sep-11 09:52:43

hariboeg, he is harrasing another woman by the sounds of it. Don't be another unwilling victim in his life. Just walk away. Any nonsense off him and get the police involved quick smart. Do not ask yourself if it is overreacting, or you might be wasting someones time. These guys turn very quickly and you need to respond quickly.

ThePosieParker Mon 26-Sep-11 09:57:34

Don't panic Hari. Say that it's you and he's so lovely you can't give what he wants. Make the split in a public place. Ex wives get bad press from controlling men, we know from what we read here that often these men pretend to have hysterical bitches for ex wives when really they are foul and deserve the treatment.

Maybe confide in a RL friend so that you feel a little safe.

lolaflores Mon 26-Sep-11 10:02:59

The "its not you its me" move? Very sensible Posie, but he may linger like a smell for a while after, just hold your nerve.
Why don't these fuckers come with a health warning.
Mind you, my sister works in Probation and there is some scheme for new partners of men with histories of DV to be alerted to their previous behaviour but only if there have been charges sucessfully pressed. I think we need to educate our girls and boys as well as to what happy and nurturing relationships look like. Too many bad habits going around unchecked,.

Lifeinlalaland Mon 26-Sep-11 10:05:38

Hi there, just wanted to add my voice to the general consensus of alarm bells going.

Without your most recent post about him having a harassment order which he has broken, I was already getting that 'Danger Will Robinson' clanger going reading your posts.

As everyone else has said the really fast pace and professions of love so soon are worrying, as is this picking you up and the nasty comments about meat markets. He is simply checking up on you and as this relationship is so new he is not yet telling you you are 'past it' and 'putting yourself out there for the men to ogle' etc etc. But he will. Pretty soon I imagine.

I'd simply say you are not ready for a serious relationship and back away form him before you get any more emotionslly involved. He's bad news.

solidgoldbrass Mon 26-Sep-11 10:09:11

Dump him immediately and tell him that if he makes any further attempts to contact you then you will take out a restraining order against him.

When it comes to fuckup men like this, don't even bother with politeness, just get rid. You owe them nothing. Would you feel obliged to be considerate to a thief or a con artist?

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