Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Family rift

(5 Posts)
yummincepie Fri 23-Sep-11 12:53:18

my husband is estranged from his mum sister and brother they have not spoken for years. Too much as happen it would take a lot of pages to list it all!

It was her choice to stop seeing her granddaughter when she was 3 yrs old, she is now 8 and has had no contact with her or our other child who is 2, she has seen them at school concerts when she as gone to watch my niece who is in the same school. She s the same with her mum as she is with us since my brother inlaw and her mum split up. We see our niece through mummy.

On tuseday my niece s mummy rang to tell me my husbands nana was rushed into hospital the night before, and she thought we should know, she only knew because b/inlaw had rang to cancel that nights visit, she knew we had not been told.

Anyway is nana is in I.T.U, doing well, I went yesterday to see her and was relieved to avoid rest of family, I' m glad I went, my husband is away, my m/ inlaw did see me leave.

When I ring the hospital to see how nana is all they will say is she s comfortable..

I've just rung my husband to suggest maybe he should ring his mum and ask how is nana is but he flatly refused.

I just feel like none of them even rang to say she was poorly and will they tell us if the worst does happen.

I feel stuck no matter what we ever do or say we are always in the wrong.

I Feel so gutted for my hubby, he as always got on well with his nana, we see her as much as we can and she never forgets our girls.

Just don't know what to do

2rebecca Fri 23-Sep-11 13:58:54

Why should your husband ring his mother from whom he is estranged to find out info about his grandmother? You visited his grandmother yesterday, what extra info would he get from his mother?
Being estranged from your family does what it says on the tin. I think you should leave your husband to sort out his own family relationships. He can visit his grandmother when he gets home. I'm not sure why you are "gutted" for your husband, if he is away from home there isn't anything he can do about his grandmother even if he got on with his mother.
He can ring the ward a couple of times a day for updates whilst she is in ITU but if he isn't wanting to return home to visit his grandmother in ITU then I don't see what difference it will make if she dies and he finds out 4 hours after the event as opposed to 5 minutes after the event.
It is sad your husband's grandmother is ill, but the behaviour of his extended family isn't strange if they don't speak so I wouldn't get upset about it. Just ignore them and concentrate on the grandmother.

yummincepie Fri 23-Sep-11 15:11:19

I feel for my husband because if a decent person never told us we would probably of never found out til the next time we visited his nana or worst still til after the furneral.

I only suggested he should ring his mum, to get more information about his Nana, every time we ring the hospital all we are told is she s comfortable, because he cannot get back from work I thought this might put his mind at rest.

buzzskillington Fri 23-Sep-11 15:19:47

Is it you phoning the hospital or your dh? They might be more willing to discuss her situation with your dh, if it's you doing the contact. But there's no reason to think 'she's comfortable' is erroneous. In your place, I'd keep going in to visit and talk to the doctors/nurses, and phone every day to make sure you know if there are any changes.

It's up to your dh if he wants to try to build bridges or not with his parents - you need to stay out of it and not apply pressure.

yummincepie Fri 23-Sep-11 15:54:25

It s my dh that has been doing the ringing, I have phoned once just to find out whereabouts she was in the hospital. And I only went to visit her yesterday alone because my husband could not get home, so I did that because after all she is my childrens great nana and I didn't want her to think we did not care.

I only suggest it once, no pressure he said no and that was it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now