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would you find these messages threatening?

(18 Posts)
workshy Thu 22-Sep-11 12:17:42

now I know people get much much worse than these but if you got a series of text messages from the ex like these would you find them threatening/intimidating

Choosing not to return my phone call was a really bad decision!!!

And THAT was an even bigger one!!! (my facebook status said 'my stomach is in knotts and it's not good)

just fuckin think about the consequences!

but of background -my ex has borderline personality disorder, was never violent but really nasty with his words and left me walking on egg shells incase he went into one of his moods, completely blanking me etc ut always making it my fault and completely erroding my confidence

all this was because he rang me at work so I couldn't take the call, then completely forgot he rang

would you be intimidated (he is supposed to have the kids this weekend) I keep questioning myself as I am more than a bit frightened of him, even though no physical violence ever took place

GypsyMoth Thu 22-Sep-11 12:24:22

Well block him from your fb for a start!

ThePumpkinKing Thu 22-Sep-11 12:26:52

Well, yes they do sound threatening.

Presumably though, in light of his psychiatric history, he has been assessed as being suitable to be in sole charge of the children?

I mean, is this par for the course with him, or do you think that you have reason to withold contact? Are there any of his family members who can be made aware of his state of mind at the moment, who could maybe keep an eye on them over the weekend?

TheProvincialLady Thu 22-Sep-11 12:27:47

Can you print out the evidence of what he has written? It is clearly threatening. For heavens sakes block him from FB immediately.

TheProvincialLady Thu 22-Sep-11 12:28:27

Oops sorry I see they were texts. Keep them.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 22-Sep-11 12:30:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

workshy Thu 22-Sep-11 12:30:01

he's not on my facebook

I'm not that daft -can't work out who's told him, we have 4 mutual friends but wouldn't think any of them would have said 'your ex is having a go on facebook!'

he lives with his parents so while they are at the house I'm not too concerned but they aren't there all the time

ConstanceNoring Thu 22-Sep-11 12:32:18

Yes I would find them threatening. I would hate the thought of my children going to stay with someone who would act like that. sad

Definitely block him. Had you updated your status like that because of his first message, - or did he just see it and assume it was aimed at/about him?

buzzskillington Thu 22-Sep-11 12:32:35

You don't need to question if you should feel intimidated, the fact is that you do. But yes, talk of consequences and such-like is threatening.

I would block him on FB - he's an ex, you do not need to have him viewing your social networking page. All he needs is contact about the kids, which can be done via email or phone. Have as little contact with him as you possibly can, use third parties for handovers if you can and if he starts talking about things unconnnected to access/dc, then you are well within your rights to end calls.

If he harrasses you, you can contact the police or ask a solicitor to send him a letter to stop. You're not being silly.

buzzskillington Thu 22-Sep-11 12:34:44


OK, then raise your security settings on FB and perhaps limit what the mutual friends can see. Plus, don't post about your emotional state or him on FB.

ConstanceNoring Thu 22-Sep-11 12:34:58

Sorry x-post

How do you know he was reacting to fb - did he say so? Perhaps he was saying ignoring him still was an 'even bigger one'

Are you able to speak to his parents about his 'mood' at the moment, do they accept that he has a problem?

HerHissyness Thu 22-Sep-11 12:39:07


This is abuse. This is harassment and threatening behaviour. You know it, HE knows it. Good that this twat dickhead man is stupid enough to actually put it in writing. Let's hope you can do something with it.

Can you please call Woman's Aid? There is a link at the top of this topic.

Defriend and block him from FB. No-one that threatens you like that gets to see your day to day activities.

The reply to this (IN YOUR HEAD!) is "... OR what? What IS this dick going to do?

He's gone from your life now, he doesn't get the right to rule you by tyranny. He never had that right, but just chose to take it anyway. Enough. No More.

Is the access to the children something you have agreed in court? would you be in breach of an order if you suspended contact?

Unless you can arrange for someone else to be there for the hand over of the DC, then I would suggest you cancel the access this weekend. You can't allow a bully like this access to you, under any circumstances, not in front of your DC, and tbh, I'd worry about their safety too if left with a man that sent messages like this. he has to be told this. it's unacceptable and inexcusable.

If informal access agreement, and no third party to do the handovers, text him with a message that says that due to unforeseen circumstances, the children will not be seeing him this weekend. Should he care to communicate with you with respect, then you will be happy to rearrange. All threats so far have been stored and backed up, and if there is a repeat of this behaviour, you will be taking them all to the police and seeking a non-molestation order to insist he stays away from you and your DC until he undergoes a perpetrator programme for his abusive behaviour.

If you do have an order in place, then please call WA and also talk to the CAB about your rights.

My instinct is to advise you to refuse him the space, time and opportunity to abuse you. No contact with you at all until he proves he can communicate with respect and manners. He calls you and starts ranting and raving, hang up. He calls back, you answer, he rants again, you hang up.

You always have the option of insisting all contact is via email or even solicitor. You can change your numbers and give instructions that he is not to contact you at work.

He wants to swing his big dick around, let him, but your's is bigger. grin

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 22-Sep-11 12:40:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

workshy Thu 22-Sep-11 12:42:09

the 2nd message was about facebook

the post was actually about something else entirely but someone obviously saw it and if it's the person I think it might have been, probably asked him if I was ok and did he know what my status was about, and he jumped to the conclusion

he lives with his parents but they are scared of him so not sure they would challenge him, also if I do speak to his parents it will antagonise him further and I really don't want to go there

but I also don't want to be the one that tells the kids they can't see their dad -would make life MUCH easier for me but would it be fair on them


I'm far too nice to him

HerHissyness Thu 22-Sep-11 12:44:19

OK, cross post.

Either remove your mutual friends and TELL them that there has been fall out and that one of them has blabbed and placed you in a difficult situation so for the time being they are ALL removed or reduced down to minimal view of your page.

STAND UP AND BE COUNTED! Show him and the world that you REFUSE to be intimidated. How DARE he? How DARE they blab? fuckers You find out who did this, please sever that relationship immediately? With an abuser situation, that could have cost you your life FGS, this man is making violent threats FFS!

You need an order in place that he can only see the DC when his parents are present. Insist on supervised access and use the texts he has sent you as the proof that safeguards need to be put in place for the meantime, until he learns to behave appropriately.

HerHissyness Thu 22-Sep-11 12:48:25

Exposing your DC to an abuser is actually allowing THEM to be abused! I'm not blaming you, not at all, but you need to see that they are being damaged by this.

He already is abusing his own parents, they are scared of him.

YOU are scared of him.

How long until he really starts on the kids?

You need to sever contact with him ideally, and put a shit load of structure in place to ensure the kids are not harmed/abused/damaged anymore than they already have been. Contact centres, supervised contact.

Teach this bully that he WON'T control you anymore.

Call the police on the non-emergency line and arrange to talk to their DV unit. There are authorities, charities, organisations, groups and legal systems all in place to protect you and your DC from people like this man. Use them to the full extent.

beatenbyayellowteacup Thu 22-Sep-11 22:19:42

This guy is an abuser. You really do need to get the fuck away from him.

To answer your question: absolutely.

Xales Thu 22-Sep-11 22:23:48

They are threatening. Please report them to the police so they are on record in case he escalates his behavior or worse sad

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