Brother Suicide Attempt.

[newbiedoobiedoo]

Hi everyone. I have been lurking on the threads a while but have never posted. Please bear with me as I have to get this off my chest.

I come from a big family. At the moment I am on medication for depression and am seeing a psychologist. Another of my brothers is attending the same clinic for depression and he is also getting cognitive behaviour therapy.

We're in Ireland and the recession has hit every one of us really badly. We're a close family but we do bicker a lot. (realise this may be a bit all over the place but my head's a jumble so sorry).

Both myself and the brother who have been diagnosed are in a bad way financially however this is nothing compared to my other brother. He is literally about to lose his home. Has gotten into massive debt. His business has gone under and tbh he and his wife were living a lifestyle they could not afford for years (holidays to Egypt, USA etc on company credit card). The brother who was diagnosed (Brother1) was a partner in the business with Brother2 but because of his illness he walked away. Anyway the short of it is Brother2 kind of screwed over Brother1, told him his ties with the business were cut and he had no obligation towards it anymore but he was lying and Brother1 is now trying to sort out a massive mess because Brother2 just stopped paying everything.

Brother2 has always been a bit hyper and constantly on the go. Since losing the business his wife has left with their 3 children (don't think it's because of this but not sure of the reason, think there was some cheating from what they've both said).

They are amicable. And he stayed in her house for a week while she went on holidays so it was all good. He hasn't been able to get a job or any financial support for any courses to train in anything. He lost tonnes of weight too as he was doing a lot of exercise and I thought this was great because he was keeping busy but I think maybe he got a bit obsessed with doing something(?)

Anyway, he said a lot of times that he was going to kill himself but always in a jokey way. I know it doesn't sound like a joke but he jokes about EVERYTHING! NEver serious, never has been.

Yesterday I was in my mum's and my dad got a goodbye text from him. It had been sent the night before but dad didn't see it until yesterday morning. It turned out that he had taken 100 tablets the night before while staying with his wife (she was only back from hols so obviously waited until someone was there with the kids). He took them and then went wandering around. He text my dad, his wife and my other brother (not the one he fell out with). His wife called the police and they found him and took him to hosp. he's there now and is being seen by a psych. He still has tabs in his bloodstream so won't be getting out yet.

He said he's not depressed but has lost everything and has given up. I am devestated. I can't stop thinking that if he'd succeeded I'd be arranging his funeral now. I don't know what to think, I haven't been doing great the last while anyway and I don't mean to talk about myself through all this but it's hit me so hard.

We 're not allowed to see him yet as you can only go in one at a time. I'm sorry it's so long but didn't want to drip feed. I don't even know what I'm asking. I suppose I'm asking what happens next? Don't know what to say to him. I spoke on the phone to him and have text this morning, he asked me for a book because he's bored! He sounds so like himself but he also said that he would do it again. I'm lost, I'm scared and I'm desperately sad about him. Sorry again for long post. Think I just wanted to get it out!

[Sylvana]

Hi,

Sorry to hear of your brother's plight. The only good thing is surely he will get the help he so desperately needs now. I'm in Ireland too and I hear stories like this a lot, there are so many families struggling with the recession, its awful. All you can do is keep offering your support to him/his family in any way you can.

[cestlavielife]

youa re nnot repsonsible for your brother's actions and nothing you could have done.
you can offer your supprot now but please also tell your own therpaists/counsellors about it so they can help you.

there are people helping your brother now - you focus on you

[newbiedoobiedoo]

Hi thank you for your replies ive been to see him in the hospital today. He's still joking which is surreal because he seems like his normal self yet we could have been planning his funeral today! I will speak to my counsellor too. I just feel so so sad about it all.

[TartanKitty]

The fact he sent messages shows it was a cry for help, even if that was just at subconscious level. I'm speaking from experience (and a fair bit of time to reflect and think more clearly on reasons for my actions and feelings). That doesn't make it any easier/ less serious I know but at least now he has alerted those agencies who can potentially offer some sort of help, even though it was in a rather drastic way. Insist that he follows through with any treatment offered, even if he says he is not depressed, as he was obviously desperate or he would not have taken such a drastic course of action. Other than that just let him know that you are there for him and you hope he is there for you too as you - and his kids - need him around, no matter what he thinks he has lost. I hope things start to improve for your family, it sounds like you are well overdue a bit of happiness so I hope it comes soon.

[newbiedoobiedoo]

TartanKitty thank you for your reply. I'm not sure if any of us ever just say that we like to have each other around! I will just keep telling him I love him and try to make sure he follows doctor's advice. I know he'll be moving in with my parents when he's out because he's not to be left alone so at least we'll know he's safe from himself.

[kunahero]

Definate cry for help. I know, I've been there , done that and the t shirt was crap. He is getting good help now and hopefully can see a reasonable future. You cant fix him and you are not responsible so try not to feel guilty just try to be strong for him and your family. Good luck.

[newbiedoobiedoo]

Thank you kunahero and I'm so sorry that you went through that. It's hard to know what to say to him. Do I just chat like nothing happened or try to force him to talk it through or what??

[peterpan99]

hey newbie, i have never experienced anything like this but would like to send you and your family a big ((hug)) and i really hope that things start to get easier for you.
My dad has suffered from depression for years so i have an tiny idea of what it can be like from his descriptions.
I really hope your brother finds the strength to carry on.

[FabbyChic]

If he wants to talk he will, don't pressure him to talk. Therapists are best left to do the talking. Let him know you are there for him to talk to whenever he needs an ear.

[newbiedoobiedoo]

Thank you all for your responses. It's helped to just get things out! :)

[kunahero]

Just be a shoulder to cry on and listen to him if he wants to talk. Dont force him, he will talk when hes ready. Get the tea pot warmed up ready for him and just be there for him when he needs you. thats what families do.

[newbiedoobiedoo]

Yes you're right I will have to let him come to me. I've been texting him alot today so he knows I'm here. Thank you all for the advice and support. :)

[Finallygotaroundtoit]

Sorry to ask but is he really out danger ? What did he take 100 tablets of ?

That's a massive overdose Not so sure about the cry for help theory here.

[newbiedoobiedoo]

Tbh no I don't think he's out of danger! I suppose he is in the sense that before this we were completely oblivious to his pain he never gave any indication at all that he felt this way. I do think maybe there were signs and I was so wrapped up in myself and my own little family that I just didn't see it, I guess I'll never know! But now we know he's ill. There are doctors taking care of him and he will get the help he needs.

He took 100 paracetemol. What scares me is that he didn't even stay in the house - he left with no indication of where he was going and only for SIL had the wherewithal to phone the police (they traced his mobile) he wouldn't have been found.

Someone asked what's different today? Nothing I suppose as in it's not like he's suddenly woke up unsuicidal as opposed to suicidal.

I asked him if he regretted it. He said "kind of" and changed the subject. I don't want to push it because I'm afraid it will make him clam up! I know that I dont really talk to anyone even my counsellor really. It's probably a really unhealthy family trait but then, dysfunctional doesn't even begin to describe us!

[newbiedoobiedoo]

He's been on a drip since he went in. They moved him from A&E to am
Acute something or other ward?! When he was in A&E they would only let my parents and his wife in one at a time. In the ward he can have visitors but they're VERY strict with visiting times. When we're not there there is a nurse with him 24/7 (they won't even let him go to the toilet alone!)

Today he got more tests. Dr said that if there is damage it will show on day 3? Haven't heard the results yet as my mum isn't out from seeing him.

[TartanKitty]

HereIGo, I can see where you are coming from re cry for help being teenage girl thing but I see it as more than that. When things get on top of you and you don't know where to turn sometimes you just want everything to STOP. The fact he did alert family rather than simply do it silently suggested to me he was (perhaps even only subconsciously) looking just for something to change but didn't know where to start. The fact is today IS different to yesterday because someone now knows he needs help. He has access to the agencies who can unpick all the different issues and start to work through things.

I think you should stress how important he is to you and all the family. Perhaps a stern word about putting you through this stress and heartache and that he HAS to talk to someone and take advice and help offered but don't push him to open up to family, just let him know you're there and love him.

[newbiedoobiedoo]

God I'm so fucking angry! My family really do wind me up sometimes! DB was released from hospital today (which I'm not happy about anyway but doesn't surprise me with the state of the HSE at the moment). Anyway I phoned him and he said he was going to go for a walk to clear his head. So obviously(?) I said no way was he leaving by himself a few days after a suicide attempt. I said I'd come pick him up (I'm about 2 hours drive away). He said no so I phoned my sister who lives near the hospital to sort out a lift. He said he's going to his DW's house as they need to talk. That's fine but she's not back from work until after 6. Then he said he has to look after the kids until she's back.

A few of us were discussing it and I said I didn't think he should be alone, certainly not leave the hospital by himself! I've basically been told he's an adult and we can't make him do anything that he's "grand" now and he won't do it again and basically to leave him to it. If he wants to come back here (where we live) then someone will go get him but other than that we've to leave him to it.

I'm FUMING!!! WTF is this attitude about??? Though I shouldn't be surprised, my effing family is nothing if not consistent in brushing things under the carpet and pretending we're the fucking Waltons!

Sorry for swearing but I'm scared for him, I'm angry, I'm feeling down anyway and tbf I'm mortified at the attitude!

[Oakmaiden]

He was on 24 observation this time yesterday, having taken 100 paracetamol, and today he has been discharged from hospital and is "fine"?

I don't think so.

Do you think he has discharged himself? They could only keep him in against his will if he had been sectioned, but that doesn't mean they were happy for him to go. I really would be trying to make contact with him and babysit him, OP. And is his wife fine with him babysitting the children when he took a massive overdose yesterday ffs? Really weird!

And I disagree with "dismissing" it as a cry for help too. Almost all suicides leave letters of some description - and texting someone is very common. My friend texted several different people before driving her car off the pier into the sea and sitting waiting for it to sink. :(

And even if it was a cry for help - then that would mean he NEEDS HELP - not to have the whole incident dismissed as an aberration and forgotten.

I am so sorry OP that this has happened in your family. If I were you I would be trying to offer what support I could - whilst acknowledging that you cannot do everything for him. Sometimes all you can do is watch and listen, and call for help when it is needed.

[newbiedoobiedoo]

Hi all, sorry I haven't been on the internet much this weekend. Do you think he discharged himself then?? I have to say I was a bit that they'd let him out so soon. When I was visiting him I saw his minder go into the bathroom with him so I know it was literally constant!

I ended up phoning him anyway and I spoke to his daughter. Don't mean to drip feed but they've had MASSIVE problems with this daughter (17). She phoned to say he had to come 'mind' the children but his dw was there within an hour so I think maybe she'd said that to make sure he went somewhere and didn't wander off?

When I spoke to him he said he was having dinner etc with the children and his dw and I picked him up then at 11.30 on Friday night. He went back to them today and is hoping to spend a few days with them. I text him about 5 or 6 times a day. If he doesn't respond within 20 minutes I phone him. I don't know what else to do! Everyone just seems so unconcerned and I just keep thinking "he could have DIED why are you not bothered???"

[newbiedoobiedoo]

I phoned the hospital and asked had he discharged himself. I basically couldn't get an answer. I was left on hold for 20 minutes to try to speak to his doctor then the nurse came back on and told me to ring back as she'd gone!

DB is staying with his wife and kids at the moment which is something I suppose. I'm disgusted with my family :( I phone and text him every day but just don't know what else to do. I don't even know which gp he attends!