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When did you start dating once your ex had left you

(10 Posts)
ToddlersRFab Sun 18-Sep-11 23:47:43

I have a DS (3) and my x H has left me and is living with his new bitch. I am all over the place and wondering how I am ever going to meet someone new.... how and when did you meet your next love?

eekamouse2 Sun 18-Sep-11 23:54:44

Hmm, we split on the Tuesday, I moved out on the Wednesday, went to a party on the Friday and had an inadvised rebound snog. There was no real space, I had 9 weeks between leaving my 1st husband and meeting my 2nd, and I dated about 3 times a week during that time, but only slept with one and a half of them.

What can I say, I was mid twenties, pretty, slim and childless, they were lining up!

I think if it happened now that I'm late forties, chubbier and permanently knackered I' be waiting a while before anyone came knocking!

FabbyChic Sun 18-Sep-11 23:54:49

You will meet someone eventually when you are ready, I was with the kids dad ten years, when he left, I dated someone after three months, but I was emotionally ready as I fell out of love nine years earlier.

eekamouse2 Sun 18-Sep-11 23:56:26

Seriously though, I think before you get into another relationship you need to analyse what went wrong with your marriage.

You have to learn to take responsibility for what you may have done wrong as well as your husband's faults and mistakes, and work out how to make it different next time.

Good luck

craftyknickers Sun 18-Sep-11 23:57:14

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.

When did you split up?

If it is early days then I think you need some time to adjust to being without him and setting up a new life with DS.

Rushing into a new relationship could have consequences for you and your DC.
Also, while you are still so angry about the situation is it a good idea to bring another man into your life?

Concentrate on living life with your DS and everything else will come in time.

AlfalfaMum Sun 18-Sep-11 23:57:27

Best not to rush it - I did (rush it) and ended up hurting a really sweet person when I was on the rebound and just needed a self-esteem boost. I so regret that.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Mon 19-Sep-11 00:31:22

You need to get your fragemented mind into one place before you embark on the dating scene, otherwise your judgement may be skewed and you could find yourself out of the frying pan into the fire.

Don't rush it; concentrate on yourself and your ds for a while - there'll still be plenty of men around when you're ready to dip your toe into the water again.

ToddlersRFab Mon 19-Sep-11 00:46:36

eekamouse2 - thats me - mid forties, chubbier. I am well aware of what went wrong and I regret throwing away my marriage to a man that is screwed up - but I love him dearly. Tell me more about the 1 and half!

craftyknickers - only a couple of weeks and I am still reeling and not ready at all.... but I can organise and control everything except being alone for ever. However my DS always comes first - one of the reasons he left me!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Mon 19-Sep-11 02:29:41

You don't love him, honey - you love the man you thought he was, not the man he's turned out to be.

Luxuriate in the freedom of being able to please yourself what you do alone and with ds, and read wisedupwoman's post - moving on after divorce is like doing a square dance etc - as it contains much wisdom that is relevant to your situation.

mouldyironingboard Mon 19-Sep-11 12:49:57

I would wait at least 6 - 12 months before even thinking about dating again. It will take that long before you can stop thinking of the OW as 'his bitch' and realise that you are happy and settled on your own. Why rush straight into another relationship?

I waited for 8 months and started joining dating/singles groups (it was before the days of internet dating!). At first, I concentrated more on seeing my friends and family rather than meeting a new man.

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