This is my first post although I have been lurking here for weeks, finding/reading posts that relate to whats going on in my marriage at the moment. I could reallly do with some help, I'm struggling abit today and I'm not sure whether I am making something out of nothing......I'll try to keep it short but I might not be able to.....(sorry)!!
For the past 3-4 months DH has been really distant at home, sulky with me and snappy with DC 2 & 5yrs (no patience with them etc). He was hiding his phone or obsessively taking it everywhere with him (even to the Loo)- this got me suspicious so I grabbed a quick peak when I could - found it locked with this maze thingie..so I couldn't get in. He'd get texts and I'd be.. "who's that from?" and he'd literally clutch the phone to his chest so I couldn't see and back heel out of the room "oh its just 'random blokes name' from work". On top of this he'd go out to walk the dog and be out some nights 2 hours (this wasn't every night -but enough for me to start to notice) and when he worked at the pub instead of coming straight home (which he used to) he started staying for an "afterwork drink" rolling in at 2am ish..
5 weeks ago,...managed to get into his FB account where I found a message from some woman asking if "he'd kissed X?" he replied "am not the type to kiss and tell ;-)" it goes on some more and he ends it with "well, you know..maybe in a different time... different place" . I rang him to ask him about this and his answer was to move out for a few days while "I sorted myself out and calmed down" (we were house sitting for my parents so he was able to go home). He stayed away for 3 days, then he assured me nothing had happened or was going to happen, she was an old school friend and the conversation related to those days. He also gave me the code to his phone (he'd locked it because someone went in a work and took a female colleagues number). So back he came all lovey dovey and isn't everything super and so it goes till last sunday.
Last Sunday.. Came downstairs, his phone went off, I was stood nearest to it, so went to hand it to him..he grapped it off me..I was like "what don't you want me to see".."nothing" he said.."let me see it then!"!...and we were literally fighting over his phone..he won but I caught a bit of the text which wasn't anything really " but true.....xxx" sender : Random blokes name???
After some serious sneakiness on my part I get his phone overnight...find a hide me app..reset password and get in to find photo of OW (just a normal smiley photo). Lose the plot really when I should of stayed calm but I was furious that he downloaded an app whose purpose is to hide call history, photos, notes, callendar events etc throw the phone at him (without checking for other evidence -call me stupid I know!!!). He keeps it and refuses to give it back. Next day I get into his ebilling(found his P/W)for his phone and find 1,300 text in july to 1 number..1,975 text to the same number in August. (not a 1 of these texts have I seen on his phone he must of deleted them as soon as he got them/sent them). Demand explanation or he can pack his bags and go argument starts, says shes married and just a good friend. Heartbroken to find hes text some OW 100 times on our wedding anniversary and those days when we were apart supposedly calming down/sorting myself out/sorting out our marriage. (just to be clear - This is not the same woman on FB) this is someone who lives in our village..goes in the pub where DH works, I assumed with her husband but have since found out that he usually leaves earlier. I have texted her and she just keeps appologising "she never meant to hurt anyone" and she "was just an ear" (2,000 texts??? is this normal ? I don't text anywhere near that amount?) she did ask if I wanted to talk..but I don't feel strong enough - is that pathetic of me??? should I be doing that? strangely enough she only replied when I threatend that the next number I tried would be her husbands...
What would you do? I'm utterly broken...I don't think he's had an affair..its the lying and deciet and making it out to be all my fault. I can't get over the type of man he's turned into. I used to be his world you know, and now I feel I'm not... :( Am I over reacting? he's making me feel as if I am. DH has promised to end all contact as its upsetting me...But I know its only stopped because I found out....
So sorry there's no way that can be classed as short :) thanks for reading..
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Relationships
What would you do?
JosStarship · 16/09/2011 13:05
Do you think that they are at it ?
Bloody hell 1300 texts in 1 month, thats 43 texts a day 
Where does he get the time ?
Also, please don't feel that OW is in any way better than you. She may have more money but she also has the morals of a sewer rat 
Well last year she took puppy care books out from her local library 
dont ask how I got that snippet of info and as for the pub he says that is where he is having an "after work drink, am allowed that aren't I!!"
No he hasn't really got any options locally, we live in a fairly small village so curtains twitch at the slightest hint of a scandal...he doesn't go away for work or anything..i really can't see where he would be having sex with OW unless its behind the bus shelter....
She is as guilty as hell. You don't apologise for hurting anyone if you were an innocent listener. .
If nothing physical has happened he has definitely had an emotional affair so you need to decide where you go from here.
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