Evening all.
This kind of topic could at first sight be posted in AIBU, but to be honest I come here more often and feel comfortable here. Not that I'm expecting comfortable answers necessarily!
I can't be arsed to name change or anything. I post on here a bit and some might know a little bit of my history.
Anyway, my current issue(but I guess there's lots more behind it) is that me and my DP of 11 years have had a new arrangement re child care and work since April of this year. He left his (poorly paid) job and now looks after our two children (17 months and 4 yrs) full time. I work FT in a good job, reasonably secure for these days, and this pays for everything.
It works ok I think. Whenever I bring up the subject, all is well and him looking after the children is not the problem. He's immensely good at it and loves it, sees it as a privilege etc etc.
The problem is money, and how I manage it. I pay a small amount into his bank acc every week(we've never had a joint acc) and I also give him cash at the start of the week to pay for things to do with the children. I also more or less buy him whatever he wants, which I don't think is that much. He is however an ebay fanatic and is constantly fantasising about stuff on there for eg his (small and crappy) boat.
I've never denied him anything. I know he's on the lookout for a radio for his boat. Tonight, while I'm in the next room he bids on, and buys, a radio for £60 or so on my card. He doesn't tell me. I get an email immediately saying my card, which I previously registered for paypal, has paid this over etc etc(I don't use ebay). Not a problem that I paid for it, but am I wrong to object MASSIVELY to him not telling me he was doing it? I was only in the next room ffs. It feels like a betrayal of trust.
He then brings up that I don't pay him enough money and that I sometimes forget(true) to give him cash for the kids at the start of the week. When I say he should remind me, apparently it's my fault for forgetting.
The truth is, I wouldn't trust him with large(r) sums of money, ie that he wouldn't just blow the lot on effing auction sites, and I suspect trust is at the heart of this. He will also never ever talk(ha, or listen!).
I know this may seem trivial when compared to some things going on, but it's driving me mad. WWYD? Am I a hideous control freak? Emasculating him?
There's loads of crap whizzing round in my head actually, but I've already gone on too long. I won't be offended if no one replies. Rant over. For now.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I need some advice please!!
PeppermintPasty · 07/09/2011 20:41
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