I'll try to keep this brief.
5 years ago I started casually seeing my boss - he was separated, 14yrs older than me. After 2 years he screwed me over on a work issue and I felt I had to leave that dept and move internally to a lesser job.
I was all over the place, very low, lost loads of weight, got ill, cried all day and night, it was awful, I just felt totally cheated and he'd got away with treating me like crap. He got back in touch and wormed his way back into my affections pretty easily as I was so low. Yeah I know "more fool me". He was really remorseful about what he'd done and constantly flagellated himself about it.
Anyway we took back up again, and everything was great for a couple more years (better than it had been). We kept it casual, he was pretty demanding of my time and I tried to fit in with this. He saw his kids a lot so really it was him calling the shots and me seeing him around this. Looking back he had no regard for what obligations I might have with my time.
It transpired that during the 'gap' (during the horrible work episode) he'd set up internet dating profiles and seen a few women but he said he'd stopped now we were back seeing each other. I was ok with this as we were only ever casual and we'd not been seeing each other at the time. Our relationship was fantastic - we were totally compatible in every way and complete soulmates, we did some amazing things together that I doubt I would ever get chance to do with anyone else. He wanted more (me to move in with him etc) but I liked how things were. I told him I'd step away if he wanted to have a more grown-up relationship with someone. At this point he was 46 and I was 32. He insisted he'd rather have things like they were than lose me.
Then I found out that he WAS having a more grown-up relationship with another woman who he'd met online. It took me a while to work out but his pestering became a lot less and he was never available to meet me. When he confessed to it he told me he'd got involved with someone he didn't want to be with and was trying to break up with her, but it was very difficult as he'd introduced her to his kids and she was also very emotionally manipulative . He wanted to stay friends with me, and this was fine with me (again, more fool me), I suppose I thought that at some point he'd end the relationship with the other woman. But whenever we met up it was a bit rubbish - he was tired and distracted, and would spend the whole time trying to grope and kiss me with me batting him off. I kept suggesting that I just step away from the whole situation but he'd cry and say he couldn't bear to lose me. He would buy me gifts for valentines day, xmas etc. but I didn't reciprocate and I didn't particularly want him to do this as it was very confusing and felt he was just trying to keep me sweet.
We last saw each other at the beginning of the Summer, by which point I'd got completely pissed off with how he was treating me and fed up of waiting around for him to decide he had time for me (about once every 6 weeks for a quick drink by that point). I didn't issue any ultimatums or anything (I'm weak) but again I said I thought we should just stop seeing each other. He cried, again, and said his life was a total mess (new girlfriend being a pain, divorce going through, problems with kids) and he needed me in it, he missed me desperately etc etc. We left it that we'd just carry on meeting up for lunch or after work drinks as time allowed and we both drove away reasonably happy with that arrangement.
Then he just cut me off completely, I've heard nothing since that last meeting. After all his protestations and sobbing that we should carry on being friends, and all my offers to step away, he's the one who's made the decision to end it. He's given me no chance for any closure, or to say goodbye, no explanations. Why did he say all that stuff about missing me at our last meeting? How could he treat someone who adored him and was loyal for 5 years in such a shabby way? It makes everything we ever meant to each other, and said to each other, totally redundant. I know he's done me a favour because if he could treat me like this then he wasn't worth it. I just feel so angry and bitter and I want some closure.
I thought about sending him a letter about how what he has done has affected me (both the work thing and now this) but part of me feels like that would be a victory for him, and if he's loved up with the new girlfriend now then why would he care? I veer from wanting to do this, to bricking his windows through, to anonymously causing problems at work for him (I still have transcripts of our online work conversations which don't show him in a very professional light). To add insult to injury he's doing well at work now and got a promotion and pay rise whereas I've had nothing since moving to the new job. I'm leaving the company in 2 weeks anyway so I've got nothing really to lose by doing this. I'm so angry that he's happily carrying on with his life totally oblivious to the turmoil I'm going through about this.
I know I was weak, naive, too trusting, all that stuff. But that doesn't help me now. How can I move on from this situation?
(Sorry I didn't keep this very brief)
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Relationships
Screwed by my boss - in more ways than one
screwedbyboss · 07/09/2011 09:26
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