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Holidays stress

(9 Posts)
germanyagain Tue 06-Sep-11 17:47:07

Holidays or time off is an endless source of stress and arguments in our house .We have one son who is 4.
I am so fed up .
Ever since he was born i feel sort of invisible in our family .
I ignored it for the first year or two and told myself to stop being selfish .
My partner is not from the UK .
He inists on going to stay with his parents at least twice a year for a week at a time . ( we spent christmas there , were there for a week in may and his mum came here for a week in july ) His father dislikes flying so generally if we want to see them we have to go there.
Our relationship is in serious trouble .
I simply Cannot spend another week at his parents home .
So Ive refused to go. he plans to go anyway with our son .
He is constantly playing tit for tat on this issue ...in other words if we do actually go away together he feels entitled to assume that its ok to assume that as we are going away on a "family " holiday our next trip is to Germany where he is from .

Is this the end .
When i think about it now I really have had enough ..I mean i want OUT.

Anyone been through similar ???

Xales Tue 06-Sep-11 17:57:15

Not been through this myself but it is clearly getting to you.

He only gets to go home and see his dad/family 2 weeks a year. That doesn't sound like much to me to be honest. How much time do you spend with your family? Would you like to see them more than this a year? Or if your son grows up and has kids do you want to see him for more than 14 days out of a year? If you are happy for him to go see his family and take your son with out you then where is the problem? Let them go with your blessing and have a nice relaxing week.

Is there more than this going on as is seems a very small thing to want out of a relationship over?

germanyagain Tue 06-Sep-11 18:10:00

Hi thanks for the reply .

I go home once or twice a year often on my own ...he doesnt like ireland much

I find it difficult to just say off you go to them both .......I know his family will smell a rat and may be offended .

I do genuinely feel I chose the wrong man . sorry crying as i write this .

were together for a few years then fell pregnant .

always knew hed be a great father .

Didnt realise wed end up with no adult life together ...in so many ways .

feel we have no shared goals

cant share my excitement for anything or anywhere with him .

somehow still care for him

But we are more like flatmates

Sorry sounds like the boring story of so many women .......

I have to face the fact that i dont love him .

But belive me I Know what its like being a single mum.....and I just dont want to go there

I think whats upsetting me is that a friend had a caht with me Yday .....trying to convince me to leave him . along the lines of .....you are so wonderful etc ...and " all of your friends think this"

They have seen how hes emotionally stunted and ignores my opinion .

all of this is so Draining . am constantly Tired and geting more and more down

Xales Tue 06-Sep-11 18:21:26

You do sound really down and in a grotty place sad

Do you think it would be worth you popping to your doctor and asking for something that may help short term to pick you up and stop you being so tired? Perhaps this will help you to clear your mind and see where you want to go.

It is a little hard to make suggestions as you don't want to be a single parent but you don't still want to be stuck where you are in 5 or 10 years.

Can you see your life and relationship with this man getting better if you both want it and work for it and would he work with you for this? It can't be a happy situation for him either.

If not then perhaps being a single happier parent is the better option even if it is harder.

germanyagain Tue 06-Sep-11 18:39:02

I am reluctant to take anti depressants .

Interesting though . as soon as you said ma I instantly found myself thinking ....hes not a man . he just doesnt behave like a grown up IMO ...more like a teenager ........and consistantly negative about everything

Lots to think about EH

Thanks for your time

LivingEdwardMunchPainting Wed 07-Sep-11 10:58:05

your op has rung a lot of bells with me. I think you're trying to tackle too many issues at once and just feel generally negative about the whole relationship.

OK so holidays in Germany and Ireland aren't going to work for your family. Let him go with DS without feeling resentful - two weeks a year in your home country is really not too much to ask. But two weeks a year with ILs you can't stand is. Loads of families not just multicultural ones don't agree on where to spend holidays and don't get on with the ILs, it doesn't mean your whole relationship is doomed. Plan another holiday somewhere else.

I know where you're coming from with the teenage behaviour from DH, mine is similar, he might be the type who will respond well to lots of positive suggestions. What hobbies did you both enjoy before you got into this rut?

spiderbabymum Thu 08-Sep-11 14:43:00

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spiderbabymum Thu 08-Sep-11 14:46:12

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

germanyagain Thu 08-Sep-11 19:05:03

Thanks Living .

Good to know others have the same .

I feel we just fight and bicker and clash all the time . Today Whatever I have said he contradicts me or I have to repeat myself 3 or 4 times . I am just so frustrated with him .

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