He's on a dating site

[OpenWindow]

DP accidently left his email account open whilst he was logged into my laptop at my house (well he'd closed down the window but it had stayed logged in) and when the page opened I saw that he joined a dating website for single parents a few months back. We were going through a bit of a rough patch around the time so I left it and assumed he'd just done it out of curiosity. However I couldn't resist the urge to look into his emails again this weekend (fri) and saw that he'd recently logged in. I looked up his password etc for the dating site, logged in and saw he'd been actively looking on women's profiles although hadn't sent any messages (I assume because you have to pay to send messages) and I've just seen he's been on there today and looked at another woman's profile. So if I confront him at this stage he can't say he joined up months ago but hasn't looked on it since because he looked on it TODAY.

Why would you join and continue to log into a dating site like this?? he still has no idea that I'm aware of his membership.

[lubeybooby]

Well, because he is being a shitbag basically, no getting away from it. Confront him

[Fairenuff]

Confront him. He will say he was just curious or some other such excuse but at least you can make it clear that it's bang out of order.

[buzzsorekillington]

Um, he's doing it because he wants to see if he can pull. Whether he intends to flirt, date, meet someone or would just be happy to get a 'bite' to his fishing, I don't know.

I wouldn't be happy.

[zookeeper]

Probably underhand but i would set up a profile and send him a message and see what happens.

[Fairenuff]

Oooh a honey trap! Deliciously underhand! If you catch him at it you might scare him from ever thinking he can try something like that again - maybe not such a bad suggestion zookeeper

[thesunshinesbrightly]

I'm with zookeeper and don't fall for the 'i knew it was you' bullshit.

[OpenWindow]

Already tried that, tried it twice in fact and he never replied. See this is what I don't understand, he's not messaging anyone or replying to anyone's messages yet he still keeps going on it and looking.
A few days ago he got an email from the site saying replying was free for that one day, he logged onto the site immediately yet still didn't send anything. It doesn't make any sense.

[ChristinedePizan]

He's probably just looking to see what is out there but he isn't going to do anything about it, clearly. Maybe he's using it as a comfort or something.

Either way, I would confront him about it - communication is key rather than trying to catch him out in a 'trap' (unless you don't really care about the relationship anyway in which case just dump him)

[scaredlady]

I agree with CdP. Sounds like a bit of escapism. Do sympathise with you though, it's not nice. Trying to trap him is a bit childish and dishonest on your part, IMO.

IME, these things can escalate. People get the bug. Reckon you'd be best off confronting it, say how hurt you are and see what he says. He might be absolutely mortified. And you'd be more likely to nip it in the bud.

Trying to tempt him might just cause you problems that wouldn't have been there otherwise. Everyone likes a bit of flattery and if you guys are having a hard time it's even more appealing.

[TheFlyingOnion]

well you'll never know if you don't ask him, will you?

[Fairenuff]

If he's been looking but not getting involved, you have your answer then really. He is not cheating on you. We all look at people when we're out and about, it's human nature. We may even be attracted to other people in real life, doesn't mean we're going to do anything about it though. I would tell him that you've noticed he's been looking, you're not happy about it and you would like him to stop. Take the opportunity to talk about your relationship and re-commit to it if that's what you both want. Then seal the deal by dressing up to the nines and letting him trreat you to a romantic candlelit supper and a good old snuggle