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Am not sure if new man is really wanting a relationship.

(6 Posts)
Dillydaydreaming Sat 27-Aug-11 21:05:13


Introduced by a friend and we get on well but...

He's 53 and only ever had two relationships, the last one ended badly a year ago as she was cheating on him. He was very hurt by this I know as my friend says he was devastated....he has said to me that he fears rejection.

I have been seeing him for 6 weeks now and he's lovely but very unavailable a lot of the time. We are managing to see wach other once a week but apart from one occasion I have done the arranging of dates etc....he is not very proactive at all.

Sex is lovely - he is very loving and wants me to enjoy it - even to the detriment of himself so he isn't just in it for sex.
Outside of sex he seems very shy and awkward and this makes it harder for me.

I invited him for dinner after work last night and he enjoyed this plus he got on great with DS (the first time they have met) and now has all weekend off BUT - is decorating today and going to a relative for lunch tomorrow so has no time to see me. In fact he seems not to have much time to see me at all - just once a week.

I have exchanged a couple of text messages with him today but that's all. Typically he has not suggested meeting up again. I know if I suggest something he will be happy but I can't shake the belief that this is because he feels he has to rather than wants to iyswim (and perhaps that's MY issue)

So - would I be unreasonable to leave it to him to make the next suggestion? Or is that expecting too much? I suppose I don't want to feel I am pushing him into a relationship if he doesn't want this - on the other hand I feel we are already in a relationship of sorts (and we have discussed that this is early stages of a new relationship).

I could suggest we meet up one evening next week for a meal but for once I'd like a suggestion to come from him....

Makeyerowndamndinner Sat 27-Aug-11 22:34:00

I'd let him come to you.

If he doesn't then you know where you stand.

It's only been six weeks so at least if you have to cut your losses now it will be far less painful than in six months down the line.

In my experience, the beginning of relationships tend to set the tone for how they play out in the future. If you're the one doing all the arranging and all the work now, then that is what he will come to expect and that's how it will always be.

Just quietly back off. Get on with doing your own thing. If he wants to see you he will take steps to make that happen.

squeakytoy Sat 27-Aug-11 22:41:30

I have to say this. If he really wanted to see you, he would make the time to see you. Your best bet is to not make any more arrangements with him. Sit back, and wait for him to pursue it.

Dillydaydreaming Sat 27-Aug-11 22:45:55

Thank you. Have had a couple of nice text messages from him this evening out of the blue. I am sitting back to see how this pans out. Not going to suggest a next meeting, just let him arrange one if he wants to - if he doesn't then I'll know how it stands. smile

BrawToken Sat 27-Aug-11 22:56:18

I had something like this once - he is still my friend and I really cared about him. I now have a relationship of 7 years and a child with someone else who (I love) had the confidence/interest/passion to take an equal role in our relationship.

Last time I met my friend he said he was really mad at himself and wanted to marry me back then.

BrawToken Sat 27-Aug-11 22:58:08

Sorry, what I meant was if you want to know, ask. Or move on... There may well be someone better for you out there.

It's annoying and soul destroying, though. Good luck.

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