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I've lost my sexual confidence

(4 Posts)
namechangeaug11 Wed 17-Aug-11 17:22:07

Name changed for obvious reasons.

Seeking advice as feeling quite miserable and nobody in RL I feel I can share this with.

To cut a long story short, I've gone from having an amazing relationship and sex life, to feeling unattractive, physically and emotionally estranged from DP, and genuinely apprehensive at the thought of having sex again.

There is an obvious reason for this: DD is 7 weeks old. During pregnancy we only had sex twice, due to extreme sickness, a bleed at 18 weeks and me feeling too huge and awkward in the latter stages. To reiterate, prior to falling pregnant, DP and I had a great sex life. I have always been confident and adventurous in that area, as is he. I've always felt it to be an integral part of our relationship.

DD was born by emcs, so we were advised not to have sex until week 4. We have a difficult living situation, as we're living with DM until we move in to our new house in a couple of months, so the opportunity for sex is rare. A couple of weeks ago we had a free night and I tried to initiate sex (we had had intimate moments on previous nights but not really past the kissing stage). He turned me down, saying he thought he might hurt me, even though I kept telling him I was fine. I suspect he just wasn't turned on.

I tried to talk to him about it the next day but he just said again it was because he didn't want to hurt me. Since then there has been a definite distance between us and it's getting worse. Living in my DM's house means it's very hard for us to have any time alone. He sleeps in the spare room through the week due to DD.

Now I've no idea how to talk to him and just feel ugly and sexless. I don't want to initiate sex again for fear of being rejected and have zero confidence if what I would even do if we did have sex. I feel like I'd be useless.

Could anyone give me any advice on how I can approach this with him and get my confidence back?

Malificence Wed 17-Aug-11 17:31:40

Oh goodness, you really shouldn't be thinking like this, he is being considerate, he's not one of those arseholes who push for sex really early on, it is early days yet, it really is , most couples wait weeks, if not months.
There is no rush, you are making it into a huge issue when it needn't be, honestly.
Is he good with you and the baby, is he doing his share ? That's really all that matters at the moment. smile

buzzsore Wed 17-Aug-11 18:35:53

I think your living situation combined with new baby are bound to make things difficult. You need to get some time alone, but not necessarily for sex, to talk and just be together. And it looks like that won't be happening very easily for a couple of months. Tell him you're feeling low and need some tlc - don't go for sex, just aim for some cuddles and affection.

It's very early days, don't panic over this - you both must be tired and stressed - not a recipe for sexy times smile.

namechangeaug11 Wed 17-Aug-11 22:06:09

Thank you for replies: been a hectic night with DD wanting to feed constantly!

Yes, DP is good to me and very loving with the baby. And I probably was premature in initiating sex. I'n more concerned that we can't seem to talk about it and I'm scared that the longer we go without talking about it, the worse the distance between is will get. At the moment we don't feel at all like a couple, but I don't know if that's the strain of being new parents.

I just want to feel secure, attractive and above all, confident that he still wants me physically. Thank you for your comments: I'll take them on board when considering how to discuss this with him.

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