Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

stressful night, feel bad, poor girl

17 replies

chubsasaurus · 12/08/2011 13:53

Last night I had a call around 3am from an absolutely distraught girl. She was yelling at me and crying because I am (was) sleeping with her boyfriend and she is pregnant. I had absolutely no idea she existed and am now seeing someone quite happily, he was a very brief week long fling and friendship but he pushed for a lot more. She had an abortion on Saturday because she found out about me. I could not feel more guilty. We spoke for an hour this morning piecing together the timeline of events and the various lies. I don't know why I'm posting this but needed to tell someone and don't want to tell friends as all mine know both him and her. I really did not have a clue.

OP posts:

Report

bananapirate · 12/08/2011 16:33

oh bloody hell!
poor girl
It's not your fault she had an abortion, get that out of your head
There is nothing you could have done, if you didn't know about her.

Lifeissweet · 12/08/2011 16:35

What a grade A Scumbag. I hope she's ok, poor thing.

Don't feel guilty you did nothing wrong.

chubsasaurus · 12/08/2011 16:45

I had no idea. I feel just awful. The sad thing is I really wasn't interested and he was pushing for a relationship, she adores him and he doesn't care. How do people live with themselves?!

OP posts:

Anniegetyourgun · 12/08/2011 17:10

Oh poor woman. Of course you feel guilty, any decent person would, but it isn't really your fault, you know. Just think, if you'd been a bit more susceptible it could have been both of you pg and crying your eyes out.

Painful though it is, it's just as well she found out, and possibly for the best that she isn't going to be sharing parenthood with him.

lostinindia · 12/08/2011 17:13

How awful. How come you didn't know he had a girlfriend if all your friends know them both?

DontGoCurly · 12/08/2011 20:05

You are both innocent victims of this pig of a 'man'.

Sorry, the whole thing must be such a shock.

ImperialBlether · 12/08/2011 20:45

Yes, how did you not know he was with her if your friends did know that?

squeakytoy · 12/08/2011 20:59

I was just wondering the same as lost and imperial.. how could you not know about her if all your friends did?

solidgoldbrass · 12/08/2011 21:04

Well it's perfectly possible that the tosspot man told the girl to keep his relationship with her secret and she did.
OP, don't blame yourself for this. It isn't your fault. She is not your responsibility.

RabbitPie · 12/08/2011 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lydiamama · 12/08/2011 21:15

Sorry you both going through this because this idiot man...............
As somebody told you before, better to know about his ways soon enough, and nothing to blame on you, love. So sorry for the other girl, poor her.......
do not let it to affect you too much, love, all the guilt and remorse (if he can feel it) for him

chubsasaurus · 13/08/2011 11:27

None of us knew - he kept her very secret. She came up in conversation once (nothing to do with him and her) and I asked if he knew her, he said yeah vaguely but she's a bit crazy so he stays away. I'm fine aside sadness for her. My friends didn't know either, they're as shocked as I am. He works for my best friend, I wouldn't be surprised if that is terminated soon.

Rabbit - thanks :) otherwise I'm totally fine, started seeing someone pretty great, life is good.

OP posts:

wotabouttheworkers · 13/08/2011 15:03

I hope you and she will make sure he knows what havoc he has caused. I feel for you both - he used you well and truly. Horrible, horrible, horrible. You could let this thread accumulate more posts, print it and send it to him.

SaffronCake · 13/08/2011 15:32

God how awful, no one has the right to judge you, there but for the Grace of goes anyone. Anyone at all.

He's a fucking scumbag and I'm glad you both found out, I'm just so sorry it couldn't have been sooner for you both.

solidgoldbrass · 13/08/2011 18:06

Just put the man out of your mind, he's not worth expending any energy on. Though you might want to give yourself a little pat on the back for having functioning knob-radar, given that you worked out he was no use and got rid before he got you PG or got his feet under the table. It's a shame about the other girl but you don't need to feel any guilt, you didn't do anything to hurt her and hopefully she will find her own knob radar works better next time.

windsorTides · 13/08/2011 19:10

Well I'm not sure that the OP's knob radar is particularly well-tuned. Otherwise she wouldn't have given this idiot the time of day in the first place....

Maybe your radar is getting better OP (have seen your other posts) but is still a work in progress?

chubsasaurus · 15/08/2011 08:02

Knob radar is waaaay off but slowly improving.

Utter twat.

OP posts:

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.