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Need advice urgently please friend with emotionally abusive ex

3 replies

Lilyloo · 10/08/2011 09:09

I really need some advice for my friend.
She split with her husband last year , has 3 dc's. Long story she on ad's due to his abuse and seeing counsellor.
Since then he has been on a one man mission to ruin her life.
This started with manipulating her eldest until he decided he would live with his dad and wanted no contact with mum. Dad put complaints in to police / ss to destroy her , all were unfounded , dropped.
Now he realises he is getting nowhere with them he has started to manipulate dc2 who has now decided he wants to live with dad , he should have come back to mum yesterday.
He has 50 % contact as it is . However i think this is about him getting tax credits , cb taken off mum so she looses house.
What can she do , desperate and talking of going back to him

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Lilyloo · 10/08/2011 09:52

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notsorted · 10/08/2011 10:34

See thread of dealing with emotional abuse -- there are some really good posters there (I'm one of the ones who leans on them for advice, so not entirely good at offering any).
Have a look at women's aid site - they have things about supporting people who are in this situation as well as those dealing with it themselves. And look at anything to do with domestic violence, although a lot of it is about ongoing relationships it can be useful in dealing with relationship post split.
Gingerbread are good re making contact work effectively.
Also look at parental alienation.
Can you sit down with her and work out her finances so that she knows roughly where she stands? How old are the DCs, it depends whether their views are taken into consideration.
And perhaps another list to do is all the positives she provides for DCs as a parent ... emotional, practical and financial so that she feels stronger and not under attack from ex.

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Lilyloo · 10/08/2011 10:40

The dc's are 4 , 7 and 11
Thanks will check out those links , she is managing , she had to leave family home and got a rental , but now he has taken one child he has informed tc , hb so her money is being altered , i think this is why he is now trying to take other kids so she cannot afford home anymore.