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please someone read this and help me!

9 replies

tellmewhatidonow · 10/08/2011 08:42

I am a regular but have name changed, if you notice anything about me please don't out me.

So background; me and p have had so much trouble this last 2 years, we got together and had dd after only a few months (yes I know,accident) over the last 2 years we have moved several times, had awful living conditions and landlords. We have had redundancy and lost jobs (both of us)

When I had dd I got very depressed and a year later voluntary sectioned myself for a week at the mental health unit. I was scared of myself and what was happening to our family. Anyway that all happened and iv been on tablets ever since. I am taking a new direction in career now and had a lengthy discussion with my doctor, health visitors and family about my tablets which make me feel so tired all the time. We all agreed I would very very slowly wean off them to get my energy back. All fine everything going great.

Untill last sunday when p went into some rebellious crazed drunken state within the space of 3 hours. He came home said some very vile things and scared me and dd. I had to beg him to leave for everyones safety. We talked and he just said he was stressed and that he is sorry.

Then yesterday comes along. All the riots are going on and we have a warning in our area, he hadn't charged his phone and didn't leave work till late cue me worrying why it has taken over an hour to do a usual 15 minute journey so I call my mum and I ask her to just have a drive over and see if she can see him (in case he is hurt). He gets home finally and I said I have been worried about you and why is he not keeping his phone charged (he lives on it usually) he went ballistic at me. Shouting swearing the lot.

He mentions my depression and calls me names saying he doesn't forgive me and that he can't stand me. He then drops the bombshell that he hasn't loved me for months, he doesn't forgive me for my depression and the fact we don't have sex

So what do I do now then?? How the fuck to I sort this mess? How do I look my dd in the face knowing I am responsible for ruining her life??

My mum is fuming after everything we've been through I get this, his family are vile and look for reasons to hate me even more.

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solidgoldbrass · 10/08/2011 08:47

You are not responsible for ruining your DD's life. Your DD's life will NOT be ruined by you separating from this wretched man - if anything it will be better without him. I expect your depression will improve immensely.
Look, this relationship is toxic. It sometimes happens this way when an unexpected pregnancy makes a couple commit to one another when they would, without the pregnancy, have broken up fairly quickly.
What is the housing situation ie whose name is the home in? Find out about what benefits you will get as a single mum etc and then tell him that the relationship is not working any more and you would like to sort out an amicable separation. If he becomes aggressive again call the police if he won't leave.

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clutteredup · 10/08/2011 08:50

So sorry to hear things are so bad- I don't know you or your history but it sounds to me that you need to get out of this relationship. It sounds like your mum is supportive, can you move in with her for a while? It sounds like you are working hard to get your life back on track and your P isn't keen on letting you do that.
Don't think you have ruined your DDs life, what will make things bad for her will be you staying in a destructive and damaging relationship.
Please seek a way out, it isn't fair on you or yor DD to have to live like this - no one deserves to live like this.

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HamstersDontSwim · 10/08/2011 08:55

He dosnt get to forgive your depression.
It is an illness and not your falt!
Your Mum can help you more than this spitful bully of a bloke.
You and your DD will be fine, even though it feels like the end of the world, its really not.

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stayforthekids1 · 10/08/2011 08:58

I was in your situation op. Fell pregnant 7 weeks into seeing my ex husband. Except I wasted 7 years with him. I also have four children. We separated last month and all of us are much much happier. It might seem scary leaving and being a single mother, but you can do it. You dont have to put up with what he is doing. Get yourself out. Sooner rather than later.

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tellmewhatidonow · 10/08/2011 09:50

We rent, and it is in both our names. the house is perfect for my childminding, which is why i just cant bare the thought of loosing.

He has a job and has money to sort himself out.

I'm not working at the moment as i am pre-reg and waiting on my visit from ofsted. This is such a shock, i dont know what to do. where do i start with this mess?

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stayforthekids1 · 10/08/2011 10:01

he is the one saying he doesnt love you etc. Ask him to move out. Explain that its your childs home, it suits your work which in turn will benefit your child and hope he will be reasonable, considering he seems so against being with you. If he does move out you then see about having a new tenancy in only your name. You will need it to sort out claims for benefits. It seems like a lot I know, but one step at a time. You will get there in the end.

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tellmewhatidonow · 10/08/2011 17:13

Well,

I am fast learning today what a spitefull person I have been living with.

He is basically saying I have trapped him and that I have done nothing push him away for the last year, well depression does that I guess.

I'm not entirely blameless in all this I'm sure I have my faults and sometimes I am a little bit ott about stuff but I'm human who doesn't make mistakes??

I have forgiven him for everything he has said and done iv forgiven his family and stuck by his side no matter what the consequence. Not this time.

I'm going to let him stay in the spare room till I am earning and can get housing benefit to top up the rent payment then he is gone. Call me a heartless bitch but I'm not being walked over this time. No way

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tellmewhatidonow · 10/08/2011 17:13

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lubeybooby · 10/08/2011 17:27

this is not your fault - don't let him make you believe it is. Good luck

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