I know this is going to sound rather self-indulgent, but I really, really am upset at the minute (so much that my one-year old DD is looking concerned).
Basically I've always been jealous of my sister. She's one year younger than me, and was a 'daddy's girl' - leaving me with no one, as my mum had MH problems after brother was born.
When I was pregnant with my son (20 yrs ago), she used to parade around in her undies, asking if my then BF thought she was sexy. This upset me so much (as I was insecure & felt like an heffalump), that I then had a problem with her. Whenever male friends meet her after they used to comment on how attractvie we both were.
Things escalated when a BF of mine said that if he'd met my sister before me he may have preferred her... then went on to name his first-born DD the same name as my sister (with his wife - not me obviously... we'd split up).
When I met DH he was like a breath of fresh air... He was really infatuated with me, when he met my sister he said that he'd "got the best looking sister" and how lucky he was etc... and also thought I was younger (which most people have).
Anyway having had DD last year (and gaining a LOT of weight) and being 23 weeks pregnant now (having not lost more than 2 stone of the excess weight), I feel a lot more insecure (there are other things apart from hormones).
At my DD's party a month ago, sis came & DH sat outside with her the whole time, and when she came in - so did he! I got so upset that my friends had to comfort me when I went upstairs crying... just couldn't believe that he used to slag her off (making me secretly happy) and then couldn't stay away from her. My mum told me not to worry as DH was not her type - which upset me more, as in a way I felt that if she did want him she could...
Yesterday my parents said they were thinking of having a big party for her 40th birthday next week... this upset me as they ignored my birthday last year, as they went out for a meal with my sister and her son (his birthday was in January mind).
I told DH how much it upset me that my sister's 40th was being treated as special, whereas mine was ignored (parents didn't even get me a present), and he told me not to let if get to me.
Today he has just broken my heart. He asked me if my sister had any 'O' Levels - then said "oh no she'd be far too young"... and I pointed out that she was the same age as him (he was 40 2 weeks ago) and he KNOWS THIS - I've TOLD HIM REPEATEDELY!!!!
He then said to me that he thought she was much younger than me "at least 5 years and to be honest I thought she was 10 years younger than you".
Now OK, it could be just a tactless male forgetfulness thing - however he ALWAYS told me how I looked younger than her... and I've told him over & again that she & him are the same age.
What is worse is he never even said that I don't look my age.... and hasn't for ages, nor does he EVER want to come to bed with me anymore.
I've taken him off my friend's list on Facebook as I really, really don't think I can get over this... all my insecurities have resurfaced. He's said to me that my sister (who's just a YEAR younger) looks 10 years younger & I look my age.
I just wish I would die, I really do, I'm so upset that I will NEVER be special to a man - my sister will always win
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Feel so hurt, just too sensitive, but still hate myself and want to run away
21 replies
justwanttobeleftalone · 26/07/2011 18:13
OP posts:
RabbitPie ·
26/07/2011 18:34
This reply has been deleted
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
RabbitPie ·
26/07/2011 22:29
This reply has been deleted
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.