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Mum's manipulation has started again!

(3 Posts)
Bumblequeen Sat 23-Jul-11 16:03:39

Mum has visited and I left her with family to sit downstairs.

Mum took me shopping last week. She said she would treat me to a few things. She selected clothes that I did not like and became annoyed when I said so. She also chose expensive clothes that were the equivalent to our weekly shop and could not understand when I refused. She has to be in control. In a strange way I feel the shopping trip was more about mum than me- a chance for her to be in control and convince herself I needed her money. Yes, things are tight at the moment.

Overheard mum suggesting to dh she looks after dd instead of us sending her to nursery. I have clearly told mum many times that we do not agree to this idea. How dare she,speak to him in my absence.

I am so upset and feel dh humours her and never backs me when I am tryong to be firm with my mum.

Nobody understands. I am fed up with life and feel alone. On the surface it appears my mum has blessed me but if that were the case why I am I Sat here crying?

MittzyTheVixen Sat 23-Jul-11 16:26:48

Oh Bumble I am sorry, it is a miserable place to be and I can't offer any useful advice, but sympathy and a (( )) if you need one.

My therapist taught me to create a bubble which I could sort of shield myself from similar situations and how to word things to deflect the things my Dad says but because I am the one in therapy and not him to a certain extent it has made him worse.

I suppose you have talked to DH about maybe having stock phrases that you both say so she realises you are a unit? Could you write a carefully worded letter that makes your position clear and express as diplomatically as possible that your decision is final? And that the issue is closed?

It is wearing though and I feel for you x

ILoveUMama Sun 24-Jul-11 05:13:22

I know what you are going through. My mum-in-law is I swear conjured up from Hades itself. She wants to constantly buy expensive things for my DH and our boys and me, but they are things that none of us fancy and she lays a guilt trip over us about the amount of money she is spending on us. Then she asks to watch our boys and cancels at the last minute always with some excuse. She cuts our boys hair without our permission even after we told her it upsets us and the boys have locked her out of her house with them inside a grand total of 6 times she just let slip. She is also directly disrespectful to me and has said to my DH that he should find a better mum for his sons and for himself. Even though I am a great mother and wife. With all that my DH still backs her and thinks she is ok to watch our boys and swears his mum likes me. I just recently did what MittzyTheVixen said and wrote out a letter and had her and my DH sign it saying that they understand. Basically it is a contract that lays out the rules she is expected to follow when around me and our boys and if she doesn't follow them we will cut ties with her until she is ready to be reasonable. SO far it seems to have worked. You might try it with your mum and DH. Their signature on the paper is important because that way they cannot deny what happend later and it forces DH to back you.

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