I haven't spoken to my mother for 18 months. I have posted about it at length on MN, but to be concise she never raised me, left me with my abusive gran, I got to know her at 16 and the relationship was always an uphill struggle. She kicked off when I asked who my father was (I still don't know for certain who it is), said that the day of my birth was the worst day of her life, having me made her want to kill herself. Always criticising, always self obsessed, and a drug addict to boot. After a cosmic row in autumn 2009 I have not spoken to her since.
I don't obsess about it every day but feel gutted that she doesn't want to know. She will not admit that she has ever done anything wrong - she is a professional victim - and is angry with me and wants an apology for my not having contact with her (according to my brother).
I wrote a letter to her 3 weeks ago saying what she had done which had hurt me so much. It wasn't an angry letter - just stated the case as I see it. I recognise that she has issue and I have sympathy.
Anyway she hasn't written back, or anything. She is still in close contact with my dd (who knows I wrote the letter) and she has said nothing to her, or my brother, or my aunty (whom I am very close to).
I think I will just have to recognise that she genuinely doesn't care. And that's fine actually, it doesn't keep me awake at night, I am very lucky in that I have a lovely MIL, and most of the time I don't think about it.
But sometimes I just wish I had a mum. Wouldn't it be lovely to go out to lunch with a loving mother? Just a tint bit of me feels very wistful about that.
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Anyone else have broken off all contact with their mother, and know that it is the right choice, but at heart still feels absolutely gutted about it
18 replies
GetOrfMoiLand · 14/07/2011 14:27
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