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He says he cant be trusted but thinks I should trust him??

(11 Posts)
Fluffeh Fri 08-Jul-11 19:13:05

I've re-written this a few times already because no matter how I write it there doesn't seem to be much sense in it but here's the main points of what happened.
I've been with my DP on and off for around 6 years (together properly for the last 18 months). He works away which is fine, he always has done so that's not the issue.
Today he tells me he has some things to take back to an ex and they've arranged to meet at her place but insists he will just be dropping things off and leaving, he won't be entering the house or having a catch up chat or anything. That's when I thought it was weird, I know he stays good friends with most of his ex's so I asked why he wouldn't be hanging around and he replied because "I don't trust myself around her".
To cut out the argument that ensued the main point I am now making is how the hell am I meant to trust him if he can't even trust himself?
He tried to explain but didn't seem to understand my point at all. He thinks that I should trust him after all this time but the reason we broke up the first time was because he cheated when I was too sick to do anything about it. And that's something that really hurt and I don't think I will ever fully forgive him for that.
What worries me most now is that he describes this ex as the only person who can wrap him around her finger. Then goes on to say "But I can be trusted by you, I just don't trust myself".
I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just looking to see if this makes sense to anyone else. Maybe I'm over reacting? I feel like banging my head against a brick wall.
Am I going crazy or am I right to feel weird about all this?

ENormaSnob Fri 08-Jul-11 19:16:36

Why are you bothering.

He has already cheated and now can't trust himself not to shag his ex.

Says it all really.

HarryPotheadLicksDobby Fri 08-Jul-11 19:32:16

Seriously? hmm

What a grade A turnip fucker

Fluffeh Fri 08-Jul-11 19:35:03

That's what I'm thinking but he's getting all defensive now as if I'm the one in the wrong.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Fri 08-Jul-11 19:37:30

When a man tells you what he us like listen to him!

ShoutyHamster Fri 08-Jul-11 20:24:04

No, that makes no sense at all.

However, take a step back from the details of the conversation and the whole gist is perfectly understandable and quite enlightening. He is saying that he is a slippery little fucker who indeed can't be trusted, but is rather fond of trying to use a bit of verbal dodging and diving to wrap you round his finger.

Naturally he is getting defensive and trying to put you on the back foot - that's kind of the point of the conversation.

He cheated. Now he is giving you a lot of evasive silly nonsense - oh just DUMP him. Really. Big red flags. DUMP DUMP DUMP. You'll never trust him - and why should you, I wouldn't! Twat.

Dump him. And then when he tries the verbal gymnastics on it all, don't bother to argue, just say, look, you're a twat. And I can't be arsed with you.

Then walk off to a better life!

shesgotherlipstickon Fri 08-Jul-11 21:06:29

He is telling you what he is like, so listen.

Bogeyface Fri 08-Jul-11 21:16:02

Totally agree, when a man tells you what he is like, listen to him!

I made the mistake of not listening and paid the price.

Dump the dickhead, no explainations, no excuses, just "you are a liar and a cheat and we're done, See ya!"

buzzsore Sat 09-Jul-11 09:45:46

Man's a weasel. He cheated on you while you were sick. He tells you this ex of his can basically have him anytime she wants, as though he has no responsibility for himself and certainly no regard for you, and expects you to accept that. And then gets shirty with you for not trusting him! He's a manipulative, emotionally abusing, entitled, arrogant arse.

Do you want an open relationship? Are his good points good enough for you to be happy seeing him without monogamy being involved?

Unless you can say Yes to the above, this man is not a suitable partner for you.

lookbutdonttouch Sat 09-Jul-11 22:29:19

What a tit.

Read everything the clever bods wrote above and run for the hills.

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