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What do you think of my friend's behaviour?

(35 Posts)
toptramp Mon 04-Jul-11 09:15:11

I have another single mum friend. In many ways she is lovely and supportive and she has had a fair amount of crap from men like myself. The only thing is she loves to be the centre of male attention. I know we all do to a certain extent but sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable. She recently was seeing a few men at the same time because none of them would commit. She seems to want to please them at all cost. I have liked this one man for a long time and he likes me as he's told me but the timing has always been wrong (other relationships etc) He has recently come back on the market and we are now friends on facebook. I was telling my friend this last night and how happy I was but how I was going to let him chase me and low and behold about half an hour later I found out she had just added him as a friend since our conversation. Now I know I am being a bit unreasonable as they do know each other vaguely in town. I really wouldn't mind them being friends on facebook (not up to me anyway) if I didn't feel that my friend wasn't suddenly competeing with me for male attention. I think it's the fact we had the conversation which then prompted her to befriend him and also teh fact that she's getting lots of male attention right now. I am being silly aren't I? I just hate the sqabbling that goes on between girls over silly men and I don't want to be complicit. I also must metion that I feel uneasy as she has flirted with him before knowing full well that I like him. She is never short of a date and all I want is a chance to be with a nice man.

pink4ever Mon 04-Jul-11 09:21:05

I really wouldnt be worried about your friend and this man as he's just not that into you. Believe me if he was then something would have happened by now.

purplepidjin Mon 04-Jul-11 09:25:52

If he's daft enough to go for her, then he wasn't "nice" to start with. If he likes you that much, he'll ask you out. Games are a pointless waste of energy imo and show a remarkable lack of respect.

It will happen for you, unfortunately not necessarily to your timescale

toptramp Mon 04-Jul-11 09:26:10

Well he just split up with a long term girlfriend very recently and I just split up with my boyfriend but I guess if he hasn't jumped me after one month of splitting with his ex then he definately isn't in to me. hmm Ok mabe he isn't into me but this is more about my friend's behaviour; not his.

buzzsore Mon 04-Jul-11 09:27:43

If she's the sort of friend who deliberately flirts with the guys you like, it seems likely she'll do it again. I'd probably stop talking to her about men I like and just enjoy her company in other ways, outside of trying to pull, if you want to keep her as a friend.

If this guy is really properly interested in you, he'll be immune to her blandishments.

toptramp Mon 04-Jul-11 09:28:39

If my friends really like someone I kind of give them space to pursue it; no matter how into them he is.

TheFarSideOfFuck Mon 04-Jul-11 09:29:06

TT, never mind your female friend, let her get on with her own life

if you fancy this bloke, and you are both free, why don't you just tell him ?

toptramp Mon 04-Jul-11 09:29:46

True. I do think that if he does like me then he'll go for it and if he dosn't whatever. believe me; I HATE being like this and generally take the piss out of anyone else who is! blush

buzzsore Mon 04-Jul-11 09:31:18

She clearly has different standards of behaviour to you.

toptramp Mon 04-Jul-11 09:33:25

I don't want our friendship to be about blokes but the subject always ends up about them.

toptramp Mon 04-Jul-11 09:34:08

There are NO morals left in this world. well if you can't beat them, join them!

HappyDoll Mon 04-Jul-11 09:35:14

I have a friend who is constantly telling me who fancies her and who has flirted with her. She has been happily married for 15 years! I just find it so dull. Mostly because I think she is just trying to tell herself the she's still got it but I also find it dull because I am no longer 14.

Seriously, let her get on with it, yawn yawn.

LeoTheLateBloomer Mon 04-Jul-11 09:40:04

Let her do her worst. If he's a decent bloke and likes you then it will happen.

I also think it's good that he's been single for a month without jumping you. If anything does happen in the futre you'll know you're not a rebound shag.

tranquilgardens Mon 04-Jul-11 09:45:35

I would most certainly not chase after this man more so as your loose friend has him on her Radar, to boost her selfesteem at your expense.

It is very obvious to me that she friended that guy to get him, watch this space!

If he goes with her then he is most definatly not that into you.

If you ever find out about your "friend" and him, she is no friend of yours.

I am sorry you are in this situation.

lookingfoxy Mon 04-Jul-11 10:04:54

TopTramp, I totally get what you are saying.
I had a friend of many years who was like this, there was no limits with her, she ended up sleeping with a then boyfriend of mine on many occasions (and other friends partners/husbands) without me knowing and thats only what I know about.

She was relentless in her pursuit on male attention and had no boundaries, so beware.

I myself am just out a ltr, but when me and ex first went out for a night and bumped into her I was uneasy to say the least, luckily he thought she was a sad desperate old slapper and was quite blatant in his actions that he didn't want her in our company (I had told him what had happened).

So you are right to be wary, however this guy your interested in will not know whether or not she is a predator, my advice would be to let him know you are interested and take it from there, you could always casually mention the amount of men your friend always has on the go at the one time wink.

catsmeow Mon 04-Jul-11 10:40:16

annoying. Years ago I had a massive crush on some one and told no one. Then a friend confided she had a crush on him. We were both nimeteen at the time and at university. She persued him and they had a small fling. He left her broke her heart etc and about six months later we got together for twelve (fractured) years. She never spoke to me again which i thought was a bit much. He let her down her not me.

Selks Mon 04-Jul-11 11:26:54

It's only a competition if you enter into it too....and she has only added him on Facebook to be fair. Just do your own thing re this chap and don't tell her anything about it (and keep it off Facebook). If you like him and would like to see if he is interested in you, why not suggest to him that you both meet up? I know it means being brave, but why not really? Better than wishful thinking. Don't over-think the situation.

thesunshinesbrightly Mon 04-Jul-11 14:58:08

She doesnt sound like a nice person she probably just out to prove she can have him and him being a man will most likey fall for it.

thesunshinesbrightly Mon 04-Jul-11 14:59:27


wrongdecade Mon 04-Jul-11 15:19:04

I have a mate a bit like this

I would stop all conversation about men and just get on with it and talk to her about other things.

Fairenuff Mon 04-Jul-11 16:50:06

Do you really consider this woman a friend ?

Are there not enough men in the world for her to leave the one man you like alone?

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Mon 04-Jul-11 16:55:33

I think that you would do well to forget about this bloke. ime, bleating on about liking you but the 'timing not being right' actually means ' I know you like me and I'll keep you thinking there may be a chance in case I ever fancy shagging you.'

In your shoes, I'd let her get on with it and find a man who actually felt like the time was right, not one that kept me on as Plan B.

You're worth more than that.

Anniegetyourgun Mon 04-Jul-11 17:25:10

How about telling her that you fancy some deeply unattractive bloke you both know - "yes I know he's over 40 and got a squint but there's something about him..." and see how quickly she goes dashing off after that. <evil>

toptramp Mon 04-Jul-11 18:02:06

Hi magnificent. he didn't actaully say the timing wasn't right; it just was but I do need to be chased. It's not the fact that she might get him that hurts it's just the fact that yet again it's another female I can't trust. i really love my girl friends but i do hate all the squabbling over men that seems to be inevitable with some girls. Uggggrrr.

toptramp Mon 04-Jul-11 18:03:24

I like your idea Annie. i did the same old thing of letting someone in, trusting them and then finding out that they can't be trusted; when they have the info on me. I hate the fact that life has to be like this. Every time I like a man there seems to be some competitor getting in my way.

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