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i dont want to sleep with my partner?

(10 Posts)
jodieoliver Fri 24-Jun-11 14:21:05

i had a baby 8 months ago and i have gone right off of sex, my partner keeps mentioning it and doesnt understand how i feel, has this happend to anyone else?

midwife99 Fri 24-Jun-11 14:45:54

It takes time to get back to feeling normal, especially after a baby & everyone's different but the longer you leave it, the more difficult it will be. I would advise getting a babysitter, go out for a nice meal with wine & then come home early enough so you're not too tired & go for it. You'll both feel much better & intimacy will be restored. My DH rejected me sexually during my pregnancy & after our 1 year old was born & it was very upsetting. We all need to be wanted by our partner. You need to be lovers not just parents.

buzzsore Fri 24-Jun-11 15:32:16

Do you still love him? Does he help you so you get time to yourself?

Lizzabadger Fri 24-Jun-11 15:35:41

What do you think are the reasons you have gone off sex?

jodieoliver Fri 24-Jun-11 15:39:35

i dont know, ive been told by my gp i have post natal depression and anxiety, so maybe this is part of the reason, i just dont feel like it, i dont feel like cuddling him or kissing, i do still love him and he does help so much and hes very patient im lucky to have him, but i cant seem to get those old feelings back, did anyone else have this?

Clara35 Fri 24-Jun-11 15:51:55

After my 1st dd I didn't feel like it either. I couldn't switch off from mummy mode or relax enough & didn't want to kiss or cuddle incase it led to something else. I didn't feel sexy at all while breast feeding & I did that for 7 months. You need to make an effort though & have a night out & plenty of wine. You never know you may realise what you have been missing!

buzzsore Fri 24-Jun-11 15:54:01

It's absolutely normal to have no/very little libido when you've had a baby, plus with PND or any kind of depression. You probably don't feel much like being touched because your baby demands so much of your time, attention and you're constantly carrying/holding/feeding/thinking about the baby, especially if you're breast-feeding. The last thing you feel like is someone else making demands of your body.

Keep talking and reassuring your dh, make sure you're treating your PND, try to get some time alone together (not necessarily for sex itself, but just to enjoy each other's company), and the desire should come back in time.

LatherRinseRepeatAsNeeded Fri 24-Jun-11 16:26:38

It took me over a year to get my sex drive back, and even now at almost 20 months after DD was born, I'm still not back to the same level I was pre DD.

Everyone is different, I know some friends who waited a whole 4 weeks before they were at it like rabbits again, and others who 4 years later still can't get physical in any sense.

If you've got PND that won't help at all. Take your time, and you'll be ready, when you're ready

midwife99 Fri 24-Jun-11 21:22:02

It's great to hear that you gave such a patient caring partner who does all he can to help you but he needs you too. Just trying will mean alot to him even if to start with you don't manage full sex.

It's totally normal. You're sleep-deprived, your hormones are all over the shop and your body has undergone massive changes. If you have a nice partner and a good relationship, your libido will return in time: make sure you get a little leisure time that';s just for you every week, reassure your partner that you love him - and also that it is normal for you to have a lower libido at the moment and that it will return in time.

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